Rodney Dangerfield: Wife

“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.”

“I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.”

“my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens”

“I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook. After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count them.”

“I tell ya, my wife likes to talk during sex. Last night, she called me from a motel.”

“My marriage is on the rocks again; yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend. ”

“I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me. ”

“It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass. ”

“My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it. ”

“My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light. ”

“My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was. ”

“I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.”