Kerry Jackson Quotes

“The power of Christ compels you to parry.”

“It smells funny, but it works.”

“I've got no hair on my danglies.”

“Don't spend another evening with the sex cantaloupe.”

“It's like you put a turd in her mouth.”

“The fate of the nation is in my hands and I've got a booger. - as George W. Bush”

“Who is this man taking a crap in my bathroom!?”

“I don't need to see Paxton's sack.”

“Famous people are delicious.”

“At what point do you shake it all about?”

“And now, the ABC After School Special, Raisins For Festus.”

“You love the bidet more than me.”

“Is that an ear trumpet in your lava-lava?”

“I'm not mad at you I'm mad a the cheese-steak.”

“Oh no! He's got him in the deadly Egyptian burger!”

“You put this finger in the middle and wiggle it.”

“Food should not be origami.”

“He's prejudiced against the toothless.”

“Even Beyonce's booty can't save that.”

“Never stick your hand out and let someone squirt something into it unless you know what it is.”

“Where I come from they're just 'fun bags.”

“You knew I was a pornographer when I climbed on your back.”

“Sometimes the future isn't funny.”

“My proctologist has The Thumb of Doom too.”

“It's revved for her pleasure.”

“Why do you think I always have a rubber glove?”

“Oh! My proscenium is killing me!”

“I'm on the 'Don't Spill The Margarita' ride.”

“I'm getting screwed today. Right in the mouth.”

“Are you trying to tell me that there was a time before celebrities?”

“I can see it, but I can't make it move.”

“If Harry's wearing his cloak of invisibility, I guarantee he's not planting his wand.”

“Then your muff would be all wet.”

“Fetus in Uterus' I get.”

“When it came right down to it, the reindeer would eat you.”

“This is discrimination against gay, nautically-themed cupcake mascots.”

“I'm a second-tier troll with powers to bewilder!”

“I hope he slams into the side of the mountain and cougars eat his face.”

“I gotta go make norbit.”

“You get first crack at the chicken balls if you get there early.”

“Goodnight everybody!”

“My 'down-there' is angry!”

“The baby is leaking!”

“I'm so goth I crap bats.”

“We’ll eat your gum.”

“I have a fresh muff.”

“If you want to happy for the rest of your life, make a crack-whore your wife.”