Karl Pilkington: Doing

“[Jellyfish] are 97% water or something, so how much are they doing? Just give them another 3% and make them water.”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 2 Episode 2
On Nature

Water

“They keep saying that sea levels are rising an all this. It's nowt to do with the icebergs melting, it's because there's too many fish in it. Get rid of some of the fish and the water will drop. Simple. Basic science.”

Karl Pilkington

3 Minute Wonder, Episode 4
On Nature
Source: The Ricky Gervais Show - First, Second and Third Seasons

Fish , Water , Science , Sea

“The problem I have with all this religion stuff is that I can't relate to it. I think most people got into 'cos it gave them something to do on a Sunday, but since all the shops are now open it isn't required as much.”

Karl Pilkington

Source: An Idiot Abroad: The Travel Diaries of Karl Pilkington

People , Religion , Problem , Thinking

“[Ricky asks what else he would do with the power of invisibility]Dunno, you could sort of go in shops when they're shut, just get in before they lock up.”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 1 Episode 4
On Powers

“Say if I was in charge and someone said that buildin' needs knockin' down, it's dangerous, if we didn't have a calendar we'd go 'erm let's do it now then.' Whereas cos we've got a calendar it's easy to say…'next Wednesday”

Karl Pilkington

The Podfather Trilogy , Episode 2 Thanksgiving
On Calendars

“You don't have to do it straight away, but just do it before it gets really bad - Karl re-evaluates the phrase A stitch in time saves nine.”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 1 Episode 7
On Sayings

Time

“I was walking home the other night, and I was thinking about it, and do you worry that when you're old you will be on your own?”

Karl Pilkington

Xfm 10 November 2001
On Stephen Merchant

Home , Thinking , Night

“Yeah, we'll do that, Lanky.”

Karl Pilkington

Xfm 23 March 2002
On Stephen Merchant

“By 78 you've done everything you're going to do. If you haven't bungee-jumped by the time you're 78 you're not going to do it.”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 1 Episode 1
On Ageing

Time

“The best thing you can do is look after yourself. Get on with it.”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 2 Episode 5
On Sayings

“I've got a fat head. There's nothing I can do about it.”

Karl Pilkington

The Moaning of Life, General Quotes

“Just sort of wander about and that, and just not get seen [What he would do with the power of invisibility]”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 1 Episode 4
On Powers

“It's just easier to put stuff off once we've got this calendar, whereas if we didnt have a date you'd have to do everythin' straight away”

Karl Pilkington

The Podfather Trilogy, Episode 2 Thanksgiving
On Calendars

“I wouldn't put a date on that pancake day anyway, just av 'em when you want, have it when you want. There's no big deal. You've got to make 'em yourself, it's not like some place is openin' to do it. Have em when you want. I don't know why that's got a special day on it, sick-of-it”

Karl Pilkington

The Podfather Trilogy, Episode 2 Thanksgiving
On Calendars

“And whilst the lizard’s having a kip, the scorpion says, ‘Tell ya what: I’ll do you a little deal…”

Karl Pilkington

Xfm 04 May 2002
On Nature

“(On Ricky asking him to do a diary next year)No I wouldn't, you know, cos you do the same stuff ever year don't ya? It's set up the same way: January, February it's the same thing, it's the same routine”

Karl Pilkington

The Podfather Trilogy, Episode 2 Thanksgiving
On Calendars

Way

“Do you know like, when you're a bloke nudist, Do you ever get any who just have like a small knob?”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 1 Episode 2
On Nudity

“On homosexuals- I'm still none the wiser as to why they do that - Video Podcast|Video Podcast 5”

Karl Pilkington

On Sex

“But hummus. When did that happen?…but there's a restaurant down the road that that's all they do. That is isn't a proper meal, that's a side-order innit? That's like having a restaurant just floggin' tomato ketchup. Hummus isn't a meal. They don't even try and kid ya to get you in to flog you just hummus, they actually say Oh it's hummus today. Not gonna work, they shut down within a month.”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 2 Episode 3
On Food

“It's like the panda, they say that's dying out. But what do they do? When you see them they're just sitting in the jungle eating”

Karl Pilkington

3 Minute Wonder, Episode 1
On Nature