Karl Pilkington: Trending quotes

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Karl Pilkington: 320 quotes4 likes

“I don't cry. Water doesn't leave my head. I've got loads of gob. That's how water leaves me, it's not out of my eyes.”

The Moaning of Life, General Quotes

“Hypothetical: Shipwrecked and eating a penis- …I'll look for something else. We're surrounded by water. Why are we eating knob?”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 3 Episode 3
On Food

“Just pop it on your wrist. - Ricky asks Karl how his 'invention' of a watch that counts down your life would actually work.”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 1 Episode 5
On Technology

“I was walking home the other night, and I was thinking about it, and do you worry that when you're old you will be on your own?”

Karl Pilkington

Xfm 10 November 2001
On Stephen Merchant

“You can be an ugly baby and everyone goes awww innit nice? There was some women in a cafe the other week that I was sat in, and she came up and she sat down with her mate and she was talkin' loudly goin' on about oh the baby's lovely. They said it's got, er, lovely big eyes, er, really big hands and feet. Now that doesn't sound like a nice baby to me. I felt like sayin' it sounds like a frog. But I thought I dont know her, there's only so much you can say to a stranger. I dont know what kept me from sayin' it.”

Karl Pilkington

The Podfather Trilogy, Episode 1 Halloween
On Life

“You know how they say people have six senses? There's loads more than that. [The ability to feel someone looking at you], that's been around since man and dinosaur were knockin' about.”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 1 Episode 1
On Biology

“We've invented most of the stuff that we need and now we're just messing about”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 1 Episode 1
On Technology

“12 hours on a plane, over 5,000 miles. All this way you've got me licking fish.”

Karl Pilkington

The Moaning of Life, General Quotes

“People moan about drugs being tested on animals. I sort of think it depends innit. If the drug's aspirin and the monkey's got a headache, is it right?”

Karl Pilkington

3 Minute Wonder, Episode 4
On Nature

“Yeah, we'll do that, Lanky.”

Karl Pilkington

Xfm 23 March 2002
On Stephen Merchant

“If he's 27 today, he would have been 26 last week, and he doesn't look 26. He didn't look 26 last week, and he looks older than 28 today.”

Karl Pilkington

Xfm 24 November 2001
On Stephen Merchant

“"I've got to make sure the groom's hat's on straight." That's when you know an event's overstaffed.”

Karl Pilkington

The Moaning of Life, Karl on Marriage

“Treat the world like a head”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 5 Episode 4
On the Earth
Variant: Treat the world like a head

“Apparently you're not allowed to lick a toad's back.”

Karl Pilkington

Xfm 02 November 2002
On Nature

“Ricky: You are the strangest man alive.”

Karl Pilkington

An Idiot Abroad

“In the sea you've got to be constantly sort of alert. It's worse in the sea [than anywhere else in the animal kingdom]. In the sea you've got an enemy behind every rock.”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 3 Episode 2
On Nature

“On Steve's dancing ability- er, it's just like a bit of weird art”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 3 Episode 4
On Stephen Merchant

“Don't be chucking that out. You might need that later - Karl interprets the phrase Waste not, want not.”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 1 Episode 4
On Sayings

“Why didn't evolution make a giraffe good at carpentry so it could build a ladder?”

Karl Pilkington

Xfm 11 June 2005
On Biology

“The Web is the new book though, innit?”

Karl Pilkington

Xfm 30 November 2002
On Technology