Jon Stewart: Doing

“Other forms of Judaism dispute this claim, although it does explain certain passages in the first Torah, such as, "I'm sorry, am I boring you?" and "What do you like better, Moses, Lord Almighty or Big Hoohah?"”

Jon Stewart book Naked Pictures of Famous People

Naked Pictures of Famous People (1998)
Context: Orthodox Jews, or, as they are known in the Talmud, the Really Chosen Ones, are committed to the idea that the entire Torah was dictated by God verbatim to Moses at Mount Sinai... Other forms of Judaism dispute this claim, although it does explain certain passages in the first Torah, such as, "I'm sorry, am I boring you?" and "What do you like better, Moses, Lord Almighty or Big Hoohah?"

“It should have been a crowning moment, but I clearly remember thinking, What am I doing here? I hate crowds.”

Jon Stewart book Naked Pictures of Famous People

Naked Pictures of Famous People (1998)
Context: Hitler: I'm not going to lie to you, it took a while. There were moments all along where I knew something was wrong. I remember one time... I think it was in Munich. We were having a rally. 100,000 people all chanting my name. The bonfires were going. The whole shebang. It should have been a crowning moment, but I clearly remember thinking, What am I doing here? I hate crowds.

Hate , Thinking

“Love what you do. Get good at it. Competence is a rare commodity in this day and age. And let the chips fall where they may.”

Jon Stewart

College of William & Mary Commencement Address (2004)

Love

“It's not honest. What you do is not honest. What you do is partisan hackery.”

Jon Stewart

Crossfire Appearance (2004)
Context: Stewart: [To Tucker Carlson] How old are you?
Carlson: Thirty-five.
Stewart: And you wear a bow tie... So this is theater... Now, listen, I'm not suggesting that you're not a smart guy, because those are not easy to tie... But the thing is that this—you're doing theater, when you should be doing debate, which would be great... It's not honest. What you do is not honest. What you do is partisan hackery.

“When you go to the zoo and you see a monkey throwing poop, you go, "that's what monkeys do, what are you gonna do?" But what I wish the media would do more frequently is say "bad monkey."”

Jon Stewart

Charlie Rose interview, September 29, 2004
Context: If I was to really get at the burr in my saddle, it's not politics — and this is, I think, probably a horrible analogy — but I look at politicians as, they are doing what inherently they need to do to retain power. Their job is to consolidate power. When you go to the zoo and you see a monkey throwing poop, you go, "that's what monkeys do, what are you gonna do?" But what I wish the media would do more frequently is say "bad monkey."

“You just have to keep trying to do good work, and hope that it leads to more good work.”

Jon Stewart

Orange County Register, July 9, 1999
Context: You just have to keep trying to do good work, and hope that it leads to more good work. I want to look back on my career and be proud of the work, and be proud that I tried everything. Yes, I want to look back and know that I was terrible at a variety of things.

Hope

“If the events of September 11, 2001, have proven anything, it's that the terrorists can attack us, but they can't take away what makes us American -- our freedom, our liberty, our civil rights. No, only Attorney General John Ashcroft can do that.”

Jon Stewart

Freedom

“What would Jesus, or any human being who isn't an asshole, do?”

Jon Stewart

“Did you really just ask me if I want it to be bad? I have kids! What do you think? "Yeah, I don't want them to have any kind of a -- I want things to corrode to the point where we're all living in huts." […] [I] "like things to go a little wrong" like birdshot to the face of a guy that would survive, not "like things to go wrong" till it's like Mad Max, every-man-for-himself-let's-all-ride-around-and-machine-guns, which seems to be the way that it's”

Jon Stewart

going
Responding to King's suggestion that as a political comedian Stewart would "want things to be bad" because that would provide him with the most fodder for jokes

Way , Guy , Thinking , Madness

“Do you guys have to sell everything? I'd like to buy the Earth's core.”

Jon Stewart

Amazon.com interview http://www.amazon.com/gp/feature.html?docId=542410, 2004

Guy

“If Obama's a tyrant, he's a pretty tame tyrant. How many tyrants do you know that really suffer because they can't get cloture?”

Jon Stewart

The Bill O'Reilly Factor Appearance (2010)

Suffering

“What is the fear of the "gay agenda" that has so upset people? Do people think that if gay people are given a place at the table, they'll be so convincing we'll all end up blowing them? What is the issue? "You know, I'm straight, but you've made such a convincing argument…"”

Jon Stewart

Stand-up performance at RIT (2005)