Jon Stewart: Trending quotes
Jon Stewart trending quotes. Read the latest quotes in collection“I'm not going to be your monkey.”
Crossfire Appearance (2004)
Context: Stewart: You have a responsibility to the public discourse, and you fail miserably.
Carlson: You need to get a job at a journalism school, I think.
Stewart: You need to go to one. [... ]
Carlson: Wait. I thought you were going to be funny. Come on. Be funny.
Stewart: No. No. I'm not going to be your monkey.
“Peoples' senses of humor tend to go about as far as their ideology.”
On whether The Daily Show is liberal.
Hartford Advocate Interview (2008)
Context: I think the metric by which television is considered liberal is literally based on the metric of liberalism in each person's soul. Peoples' senses of humor tend to go about as far as their ideology.
Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear closing speech (2010)
Context: The country’s 24 hour political pundit perpetual panic conflictinator did not cause our problems but its existence makes solving them that much harder. The press can hold its magnifying glass up to our problems bringing them into focus, illuminating issues heretofore unseen or they can use that magnifying glass to light ants on fire and then perhaps host a week of shows on the sudden, unexpected dangerous flaming ant epidemic.
If we amplify everything we hear nothing.
Naked Pictures of Famous People (1998)
Context: Orthodox Jews, or, as they are known in the Talmud, the Really Chosen Ones, are committed to the idea that the entire Torah was dictated by God verbatim to Moses at Mount Sinai... Other forms of Judaism dispute this claim, although it does explain certain passages in the first Torah, such as, "I'm sorry, am I boring you?" and "What do you like better, Moses, Lord Almighty or Big Hoohah?"
Naked Pictures of Famous People (1998)
Context: Hitler: I'm not going to lie to you, it took a while. There were moments all along where I knew something was wrong. I remember one time... I think it was in Munich. We were having a rally. 100,000 people all chanting my name. The bonfires were going. The whole shebang. It should have been a crowning moment, but I clearly remember thinking, What am I doing here? I hate crowds.
C-SPAN interview, October 14, 2004
Context: Everybody wrings their hands about Fox News. You know, "fair and balanced? Why, that's snide!" Yeah, okay, maybe they're not fair and balanced, but CNN used to have the slogan "You Can Depend on CNN". Guess what? I watch it, no you can't. So what's the difference?
“We are not warriors in anyone's army.”
Rolling Stone interview http://www.rollingstone.com/news/coverstory/jon_stewart_stephen_colbert_americas_anchors, October 31, 2006, on the role of The Daily Show and The Colbert Report.
Context: We are not warriors in anyone's army. And that is not trying to be self-deprecating. I'm proud of what we do. I really like these two shows. I like making 'em. I like watching them. I'm really proud of them. But I understand their place. I don't view us as people who lead social movements.
“There are women here who can barely afford enough gown to cover their breasts.”
The 78th Academy Awards (2006)
Context: If there's anyone out there involved in illegal movie piracy... don't do it. Take a good look at these people. These are the people you're stealing from. Look at them! Face what you've done! There are women here who can barely afford enough gown to cover their breasts.
“You have a responsibility to the public discourse, and you fail miserably.”
Crossfire Appearance (2004)
Context: Stewart: You have a responsibility to the public discourse, and you fail miserably.
Carlson: You need to get a job at a journalism school, I think.
Stewart: You need to go to one. [... ]
Carlson: Wait. I thought you were going to be funny. Come on. Be funny.
Stewart: No. No. I'm not going to be your monkey.
“After we defeat it, I'm sure we'll take on that bastard ennui.”
College of William & Mary Commencement Address (2004)
Context: We declared war on terror—it's not even a noun, so, good luck. After we defeat it, I'm sure we'll take on that bastard ennui.
College of William & Mary Commencement Address (2004)
America (The Book): A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction (2004)
Context: If the presidency is the head of the American body politic, Congress is its gastrointestinal tract. Its vast and convoluted inner workings may be mysterious and unpleasant, but in the end they excrete a great deal of material whose successful passage is crucial to our nation's survival.
“It's a brilliant metaphor. What I meant to say was, when you see a monkey masturbating at the zoo…”
C-SPAN interview, October 14, 2004, when asked about the above quote.