Jeff Foxworthy: Doing

Jeff Foxworthy is American stand-up comedian. Explore interesting quotes on doing.
Jeff Foxworthy: 62   quotes 2   likes

“Do you know why it's so hard to solve a Redneck murder? Because the DNA's all the same and there's no dental records.”

Jeff Foxworthy

Have Your Loved Ones Spayed and Neutered (2004)

“On life's list of fun things to do, [visiting my in-laws] comes in somewhere below sitting in a tub full of scissors.”

Jeff Foxworthy

Totally Committed (1998)

Life , Law

“My mother won't drive 50 miles an hour. You put her in a rental car, she's doing doughnuts in the grocery store parking lot!”

Jeff Foxworthy

Have Your Loved Ones Spayed and Neutered (2004)

Cars

“Talking with Gary Busey is kinda like sex. You want to do it, you just don't want to be alone when you do it.”

Jeff Foxworthy

Comedy Central Roast of Larry the Cable Guy

Sex

“I think {the designated driver program} is a great idea, because anything is safer than the way we used to do it: "Hey dude, get up! Give us a ride home, man! C'mon, whaddaya say? We'll buy ya a beer!"…The only problem with the designated driver program {is} it's not the world's most desirable job…But if you ever get talked into doing it, have fun with the group. Like at the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong damn house, preferably in their boss's front yard or something.”

Jeff Foxworthy

Games Rednecks Play (1995)

World , Way , Home , Idea

“Whatever cleaning goes on on the planet, women do 99% of it. But see, women are not as proud of their 99% as men are of our one! We clean something up, we're gonna talk about it all year long. It might be on the news, you don't know. A woman could be out re-paving the driveway. Men actually have enough gall to run out on the porch and go "Hey baby? Man, it's hot as hell out here, ain't it! Look, don't worry about emptyin' that ashtray in the den, I done got it, all right? Did it for you, sweet pea. I'm gonna go take a nap now, all right?"”

Jeff Foxworthy

You Might Be a Redneck If… (1993)

Women , Men , Hell , Baby

“You know, I remember Career Day in high school. I remember plumbers and lawyers... I don't remember a booth where you could sign up to learn how to shoot chickens out of a cannon at the windshield of an airplane, 'cause there would have been a line at my school to do that!”

Jeff Foxworthy

Have Your Loved Ones Spayed and Neutered (2004)

School , Learning

“When I was a kid, my parents had a 900-pound television on top of a TV tray. My dad's theory was, "Let him pull it on his head a few times, he'll learn. You wanna put a penny in the light socket? Try that out. OHH! Hurt like hell, didn't it? Don't do that no more."”

Jeff Foxworthy

You Might Be a Redneck If… (1993)

Hell , Parent , Light , Learning

“Women [in bed] are kind of like diesel engines. You know, it may take a little bit to get them going, but once you do, they can run a long, long time. Men, on the other hand, we're more like…bottle rockets. Ooh. Aah. <snores”

Jeff Foxworthy

Totally Committed (1998)

Women , Men , Time

“(To his wife) You do not have testicular cancer. You don't even have "testiculars!"”

Jeff Foxworthy

Have Your Loved Ones Spayed and Neutered (2004)

“You don't have the stupidest family in the world, you don't have the goofiest family in the world. And if you ever need to verify that, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Five minutes at a fair, you'll be going, "You know what? We're all right. We're dang near royalty!"”

Jeff Foxworthy

Games Rednecks Play (1995)

World , Family