“I wanted to join the Army. The sign said "Be all that you can be." They told me it wasn't enough.” Jay London One-liners
“People ask me what I think about euthanasia. I said I'm more concerned about the adults.” Jay London One-liners People , Thinking
“I went to the doctor and he said I had acute appendicitis, and I said "Compared to who?"” Jay London One-liners
“I get all my hair products at PetCo. (Jay's hair is long, curly, and quite messy)” Jay London One-liners
“My girlfriend bought me a down jacket, she said it fit my personality.” Jay London One-liners Personality
“I wanted to take up music, so my father bought me a blunt instrument. He told me to knock myself out.” Jay London One-liners Music
“You might recognize me, I'm the fourth guy from the left on evolutionary chart.” Jay London One-liners Guy
“I told my therapist I was having nightmares about nuclear explosions. He said don't worry, it's not the end of the world.” Jay London One-liners World
“Flowers for $25.00, reluctant. Wining and dining for $150.00, catastrophic. Trying to get on first base, unattainable. For everything else there's Masturbate.” Jay London Set-enders Flowers , Wine
“At Motel 6 in Amish Country I wonder if they leave the light on for you?” Jay London One-liners Light , Country