“I wanted to join the Army. The sign said "Be all that you can be." They told me it wasn't enough.”Jay London One-liners
“People ask me what I think about euthanasia. I said I'm more concerned about the adults.”Jay London One-liners
“I went to the doctor and he said I had acute appendicitis, and I said "Compared to who?"”Jay London One-liners
“I get all my hair products at PetCo. (Jay's hair is long, curly, and quite messy)”Jay London One-liners
“I wanted to take up music, so my father bought me a blunt instrument. He told me to knock myself out.”Jay London One-liners
“You might recognize me, I'm the fourth guy from the left on evolutionary chart.”Jay London One-liners
“I told my therapist I was having nightmares about nuclear explosions. He said don't worry, it's not the end of the world.”Jay London One-liners
“Flowers for $25.00, reluctant. Wining and dining for $150.00, catastrophic. Trying to get on first base, unattainable. For everything else there's Masturbate.”Jay London Set-enders