Jay London: Trending quotes

“Let me move over here. (Jay would then move barely a few inches to the left or right. He generally repeats this a few times per show)”

“It all started when my dog received free rollover minutes.”

“I went on a date with a weather girl, we talked up a storm.”

“After all these years I had the privilege of naming my private part, because we all have nicknames. So I named my private part Pride. It's not much, but at least I have my Pride.”

“People read me but they don't subscribe.”

“I went to an audition the other day, they were casting 13 people to be clouds. 14 people showed up, it was overcast.”

“I saw a stationery store move.”

“Well, I'd like to leave you with a joke.”

“I went to the store and bought lady fingers. When I got home I noticed one of the fingers was missing so I went back to the store and the manager was nice enough to give me the finger.”

“Did you know it was a year ago today?”

“I work at Bed Bath and Beyond. I work in the Beyond section. When someone asks me where the Bath section is, I say "It's beyond me."”

“I was going to buy a book on hair loss, but the pages kept falling out.”

“I slept with this girl, and in the morning I asked her if she wanted breakfast in bed. She said one pig in the blanket was enough.”

“I recorded my hair this morning. Tonight I'm watching the highlights.”

“Does anybody know what I'm doing up here?”

“(In a tone suggesting a reference to his upbringing) I was brought up on charges.”

“I went to a urologist. He told me I could go at any time.”

“I had a very lonely New Year's this year. I had to watch my own balls drop.”

“My boss told me to get my butt in gear. I told him I was shiftless.”