“Let me move over here. (Jay would then move barely a few inches to the left or right. He generally repeats this a few times per show)”Jay London Self-degradation
“After all these years I had the privilege of naming my private part, because we all have nicknames. So I named my private part Pride. It's not much, but at least I have my Pride.”Jay London One-liners
“I went to an audition the other day, they were casting 13 people to be clouds. 14 people showed up, it was overcast.”Jay London One-liners
“I went to the store and bought lady fingers. When I got home I noticed one of the fingers was missing so I went back to the store and the manager was nice enough to give me the finger.”Jay London One-liners
“I work at Bed Bath and Beyond. I work in the Beyond section. When someone asks me where the Bath section is, I say "It's beyond me."”Jay London One-liners
“I slept with this girl, and in the morning I asked her if she wanted breakfast in bed. She said one pig in the blanket was enough.”Jay London One-liners
“(In a tone suggesting a reference to his upbringing) I was brought up on charges.”Jay London One-liners