Ilona Andrews Quotes

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“Perhaps I just wasn't scary enough. Maybe I should invest in some horns or fangs.”

“Where is Barbie?"
The female shifter snickered and choked it off.
"Is there a stripper pole?”

“And how did your day go?" I asked Ascanio.
He turned to me, a dreamy look on his pretty face. "We killed things. There was blood. Fountains of blood. And then we had barbecue.”

“The monster licked his lips, long lines of whiskers twitching, and spoke in a deep growl. "Pretty, aren't I?" Curran. In midform. I broke from his gaze. "Adorable.”

“What is wrong with you?
Many, many things.”

“I had an appointment with a sexual deviant and I didn’t want to be late.”

“Jealous of the actors now, are we?"
"What, of some fancy boy on the screen? Inconceivable."
Oh, this was going to be good.”

“I had to give it him, to flatter and insult a woman in one propostition took talent.”

“What the hell is this?” Desandra asked
“This is Cuddles. She's a mammoth donkey.”
Derek grinned, leaning on the fence. “Do you have any self-respect left?”
“Nope.”

“It was the kind of sword that would make a lifelong pacifist look for tall boots and a hat with feathers.”

“I want to punish them. I want that punishment to be so hard, so vicious that the next who takes their place wets himself at the mere thought of trying to fight me.”

“Rene, you want us to find you-don't-know-who and to retrieve his you-don't-know-what for you-won't-tell-me-whom?”

“The knocking persisted. It wasn't Derek. His knock would be careful, almost apologetic. This bastard knocked like he was doing me a favor.”

“First rule of bodyguard detail: know where your 'body' is at all times.”

“One school of thought says that the best way to handle an issue like this is exposure therapy," Mad Rogan said. "For example, if you're terrified of snakes, repeated handling of them will cure it."
Aha. "I'm not handling your snake.”

“And did you have to hack his arms off?” “Yes, I did. He wouldn’t go through the door.”
“You say it like you’re proud of it."
I was proud of it. It was an example of quick thinking in a difficult situation.”

“My investigative technique mostly consisted of going through the list of interested parties and making as much noise as possible, until the culprit lost his patience and tried to shut me up.”

“Your date appears to be hysterical," Rene told me.
"You think I should slap some man into him?”

“Oh. "So the best way to fight you is to strip naked and attack?"
His eyes flashed with a wicked light. "Yes. You should try it and see what happens.”

“No, you’re not going with him.”
I crossed my arms. “Who decided that?”
He put on his “I’m alpha and I’m putting my foot down” expression. “I decided.”

“Who is that?”
“Your replacement.”
“You replaced me with a shaved poodle?”
“He's got mad skills.”

“Sh! t. F_ck sh! t.'….

'Sh! t f_ck would have also been accepted.”

“On the plus side, if he ever had to fight through a roomful of adolescent girls, he only needed to blink (his velvet brown eyes framed in embarassingly long lashes) a few times, and they would all faint.”

“The woman frowned. "I probably should have mentioned that annoying habit of letting people come to the wrong conclusions and not correcting them? He got it from me.”

“« Barabas pulled Christopher out of the cage. The man stared up at him. “I died, didn’t I? Are you an angel?”
“Sure,” Barabas said. “Follow me to the Heavenly Shower »”

“It’s never a good thing when the black volhv says “Uh-oh” and then runs for his life.”

“Your headlights don't scare me.”

“What’s this ”
“A needle.”
“What should I do with it ” He’d walked right into it. Too easy.
“Please use it to pop your head. It’s obscuring my view of the room.”

“Just to make sure the odd humanoid aberration doesn't get away, always pin it through the nuts.”

“I paused with the pen in my hand. "He burst into flames?"
"He became engulfed in fire."
"Was his buddy made out of orange rocks and at any point yell, 'It's clobbering time'?”

“." And now, you are forever mine.”

“Aha," Andrea said. "I'm going to ignore that you just referred to yourself as 'sugar woogums'.”

“Oh my God, she was retarded and I was going to kill Jim.”

“He referred to you as his little snack."
"He's a sweetie.”

“Maybe I should add some graffiti to spice it up. For a good time call the Consort. Beast Lord eats your food and turns into a lion in his sleep. Mahon has hemorrhoids. Boudas do it better. Warning, paranoid attack jaguar on the prowl…”

“We don't need teenage bouda sex fiends as interns.
How do you know he is a sex fiend?
He is fifteen and he's a bouda. Hello?”

“You see, the mailman saw your husband during one of his walks."
"He's my fiancé," I told her. "We are living in sin."
Heather blinked, momentarily knocked off her stride, but recovered. "Oh, that's nice."
"It's very nice. I highly recommend it.”

“Some men got excited by white lace and a translucent negligee. My love muffin got excited by a woman dressed to murder. There was probably something deeply twisted about that. Lucky for me, negligees were never my thing.”

“Some people got vicious Dobermans. I got a shaved attack poodle in a black sweater. His tough, spawn-of-hell image had taken a fatal blow, but at least he would be warm.”

“Anger - a better alternative to caffeine.”

“The Beast Lord way: often wrong but never in doubt.”

“Her imagination painted Georgie twenty years later, sitting in leg irons before some Broken psychiatrist. "Well, you see, it all started with bubbles…”

“Kate Daniels, trained negotiator. When in possession of some valuable information, give it away to the first sexy man you see with no guarantee of return.”

“Who is Hunter Becker?"
"Becker the Gory? Lighthouse Keepers? Boston?"
"I would've preferred Becker the Easiley Surrendering or Becker the Quite Reasonable, but beyond that his name tells me nothing.”

“Enough," Curran said. An unmistakable command saturated his voice. Jim clicked his mouth shut. I crossed my arms. "I'm sorry, is this the part where I fall to my knees and shiver in fear, Your Furriness? Silly me, I didn't get the memo.”

“We should clap or something." Curran said. "She's trying so hard.”

“Let's have a partnership, Kate. I offer honesty, Kate. I don't have to outrun the Beast Lord I just pissed off, Kate. I only have to outrun you and hit you with my car as I hightail it out of here.”

“Cats randomly refuse to follow orders to prove they can.”

“Aunt B walked out onto the helipad wearing loose yoga pants. “I’m just here to stretch. Kate, want to help?”
“Sure.”
Thirty seconds later, as I was flying through the air, I decided that this wasn’t the best idea.”