Henny Youngman Quotes

Henry "Henny" Youngman was an English-American comedian and musician famous for his mastery of the "one-liner"; his best known one-liner being "Take my wife ... please".

In a time when many comedians told elaborate anecdotes, Youngman's routine consisted of telling simple one-liner jokes, occasionally with interludes of violin playing. These depicted simple, cartoon-like situations, eliminating lengthy build-ups and going straight to the punch line. He was known as "the King of One-Liners", a title conferred to him by columnist Walter Winchell. A stage performance by Youngman lasted only 15 to 20 minutes but contained dozens of jokes in rapid-fire succession. Wikipedia  

✵ 16. March 1906 – 24. February 1998   •   Other names Henry Youngman
Henny Youngman photo
Henny Youngman: 18   quotes 29   likes

Famous Henny Youngman Quotes

“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.”

"Forbes‎" - Vol. 166, Page 156, de Bertie Charles Forbes - Forbes Inc., 2000

“When I read about the dangers of drinking, I gave up reading”

Variant: When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

Henny Youngman Quotes

“We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.”

"The Haunted Smile: The Story of Jewish Comedians in America" (2001)

“I was so ugly when I was born, the doctor slapped my mother”

101 of My Funniest Jokes. New York: Henny Youngman (1976). Brochure..
Source: Cited in: Essays of an Information Scientist, Vol:4, p.515-518, 1979-80, Current Comments #26, p. 516, June 30, 1980 PDF http://www.garfield.library.upenn.edu/essays/v4p515y1979-80.pdf

“My wife is on a new diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost weight, but can she climb a tree.”

"The Haunted Smile: The Story of Jewish Comedians in America" (2001)

“My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.”

"The Haunted Smile: The Story of Jewish Comedians in America" (2001)

“My first Hollywood picture wasn't released, it escaped.”

Insurance Newsweek, volume 45 (1944), page 60

“Business was so bad the other night the orchestra was playing "Tea for One."”

Don't Put My Name on this Book (1976), p. 92 http://archive.org/stream/dontputmynameont00youn#page/92/mode/2up/search/%22tea+for+one%22

“I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.”

"The Haunted Smile: The Story of Jewish Comedians in America" (2001)

“My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.”

"The Haunted Smile: The Story of Jewish Comedians in America" (2001)

“Take my wife - please!”

Take My Wife, Please!: Henny Youngman's Giant Book of Jokes (1999)

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