Dave Attell: Quotes about time

Dave Attell is comedian. Explore interesting quotes on time.
Dave Attell: 56   quotes 4   likes

“Ever make fun of someone so much that you feel you should thank them for all the good times you've had? I've got a midget friend, an albino friend, and another friend who thinks "Lord of the Rings" is real. Together we call ourselves "the Unfuckables."”

Dave Attell

"Skanks for the Memories"

Feeling , Thinking , Time

“This one guy, the worse guy in the music. The Yanni man. You know Yanni? First of all, anyone who looks like a magician and doesn't do magic, I don't like. I don't even like magic, I hate it. But I love the word, "Ta-da"! I love that word! I don't get to say it, right? I never do any magic. You just cant go around walking, "Ta-da!" "Ta-da!" "Ta-da!" The only time I can say it is when I do something really stupid or surprising. Like if I go out all night drinking and hitting strip clubs and I come home and I still got some money …. "Ta---da!"”

Dave Attell

I thought I was broke. Why does my jaw hurt?
Comedy Central Presents: Dave Attell

Love , Money , Hate , Stupidity

“(talking about how girls like mystery) Next time your lady leaves the room, take a dump on the floor! 'Cuz there is nothing more mysterious than a dump on the floor! And it always starts a conversation, am I right? Honey, what happened? You better hold me 'cause I'm afraid.”

Dave Attell

Comedy Central Presents: Dave Attell

Girl , Time

“I'm drinking Jack and I started blacking out. You ever black out? Or as I call it, time travel? You ever do that? Oh yeah! You know how it is -- you're drinking, you black out. You wake up, you're in another bar. You're drinking, you black out. You wake up, you're playing that knife game with a half-Indian somewhere in North Dakota, "Yeah! Yeah! Winner fixes the tranny! Yeah". You're drinking, you black out. You wake up, you're in White Castle -- working there 3 years, STILL not assistant manager. Your buddies tell you to quit, but you can't 'cause you're banging the slow girl on the fry-o-later. They say she's a little retarded, but those titties ain't retarded!”

Dave Attell

Comedy Central Presents: Dave Attell

Travel , Girl , Game , Drink