Dave Attell: Doing

Dave Attell is comedian. Explore interesting quotes on doing.
Dave Attell: 56   quotes 4   likes

“This one guy, the worse guy in the music. The Yanni man. You know Yanni? First of all, anyone who looks like a magician and doesn't do magic, I don't like. I don't even like magic, I hate it. But I love the word, "Ta-da"! I love that word! I don't get to say it, right? I never do any magic. You just cant go around walking, "Ta-da!" "Ta-da!" "Ta-da!" The only time I can say it is when I do something really stupid or surprising. Like if I go out all night drinking and hitting strip clubs and I come home and I still got some money …. "Ta---da!"”

Dave Attell

I thought I was broke. Why does my jaw hurt?
Comedy Central Presents: Dave Attell

Love , Money , Hate , Stupidity

“I used to do drugs, but that was way back there.”

Dave Attell

"Skanks for the Memories"

Way

“Every man wonders about the size of their penis. Laying in bed alone at night, or in a hammock with a parrot. You start thinking, “Do I have a small penis or just gigantic balls?””

Dave Attell

"Skanks for the Memories"

Thinking , Night

“Some people are against porno movies. And I say hey, Ohio, Kentucky, and Iran: I say, hey - whatever a man, and a woman, and another woman with a penis and a midget do to a donkey, that's their garsh-darn business.”

Dave Attell

Comedy Central Presents: Dave Attell

People , Business

“I'm drinking Jack and I started blacking out. You ever black out? Or as I call it, time travel? You ever do that? Oh yeah! You know how it is -- you're drinking, you black out. You wake up, you're in another bar. You're drinking, you black out. You wake up, you're playing that knife game with a half-Indian somewhere in North Dakota, "Yeah! Yeah! Winner fixes the tranny! Yeah". You're drinking, you black out. You wake up, you're in White Castle -- working there 3 years, STILL not assistant manager. Your buddies tell you to quit, but you can't 'cause you're banging the slow girl on the fry-o-later. They say she's a little retarded, but those titties ain't retarded!”

Dave Attell

Comedy Central Presents: Dave Attell

Travel , Girl , Game , Drink

“I masturbate! I do it like I think if I keep doing it, I'm gonna win something.”

Dave Attell

Comedy Central Presents: Dave Attell

Thinking