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Christopher Moore Quotes
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Christopher Moore is an American writer of comic fantasy. He was born in Toledo, Ohio. He grew up in Mansfield, Ohio, and attended Ohio State University and Brooks Institute of Photography in Santa Barbara, California.

An only child, Moore learned to amuse himself with his imagination. He loved reading and his father brought him plenty of books from the library every week. He started writing around the age of twelve and realized that this was his talent by the time he was 16, and he began to consider making it his career.Moore's novels typically involve conflicted everyman characters struggling through supernatural or extraordinary circumstances. With the possible exceptions of Fool, The Serpent of Venice, and Sacré Bleu, all his books take place in the same universe and some characters recur from novel to novel.

According to his interview in the June 2007 issue of Writer's Digest, the film rights to Moore's first novel, Practical Demonkeeping , were purchased by Disney even before the book had a publisher. In answer to repeated questions from fans over the years, Moore stated that all of his books have been optioned or sold for films, but that as yet "none of them are in any danger of being made into a movie."Moore has named Kurt Vonnegut, Douglas Adams, John Steinbeck, Tom Robbins, Richard Brautigan, Robert Bloch, Richard Matheson, Jules Verne, Ray Bradbury, H. P. Lovecraft, Edgar Allan Poe and Ian Fleming as key influences on his writing.As of June 2006, Moore has been living in San Francisco, after a few years on the island of Kauai, Hawaii. Wikipedia  

✵ 1. January 1957  •  Other names كريستوفر مور
Christopher Moore photo
Christopher Moore: 134 quotes0 likes

Christopher Moore Quotes

“… as if someone had thrown a hand grenade into the middle of a teddy bear orgy and the only survivors had had their fur blown off.”

Christopher Moore

Source: You Suck

“King Lear: What is your name?
Kent / Caius: Caius.
King Lear: And whence do you hale?
Kent / Caius: From Bonking, Sire.
King Lear: Well, yes, lad as do we all.”

Christopher Moore book Fool

Source: Fool (2009)

“Blessed are the meek, for to them we shall say "attaboy".”

Christopher Moore book Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal

Source: Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal

“May the IRS find that you deduct your pet sheep as an entertainment expense.”

Christopher Moore book Practical Demonkeeping

Author's Blessing
Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal (2002)
Source: Practical Demonkeeping
Context: If you have come to these pages for laughter, may you find it.
If you are here to be offended, may your ire rise and your blood boil.
If you seek an adventure, may this song sing you away to blissful escape.
If you need to test or confirm your beliefs, may you reach comfortable conclusions.
All books reveal perfection, by what they are or what they are not.
May you find that which you seek, in these pages or outside them.
May you find perfection, and know it by name.

“She doesn't understand that a writer is a special creature--that I'm different from everyone else. I'm not saying I'm superior to other people, just more sensitive, I guess.”

Christopher Moore book Bloodsucking Fiends

Source: Bloodsucking Fiends

“It's like time travel only, you know, slower…”

Christopher Moore

“It turns out that one can perpetrate all manner of heinous villainy under a cloak of courtesy and good cheer… a man will forfeit all sensible self-interest if he finds you affable enough to share your company over a flagon of ale.”

Christopher Moore book Fool

Source: Fool

“He has the attention span of a hummingbird.”

Christopher Moore

Source: The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror

“The netherworld is timeless and unchanging, and boring -- much like a doctor's waiting room.”

Christopher Moore book Practical Demonkeeping

Source: Practical Demonkeeping

“Oh, we are but soft and squishy bags of mortality rolling in a bin of sharp circumstance, leaking life until we collapse, flaccid, into our own despair..”

Christopher Moore book Fool

Source: Fool

“… but to remain historically accurate, I would have had to leave out an important question that I felt needed to be addressed, which is, 'What if Jesus had known kung fu?”

Christopher Moore book Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal

Source: Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal

“She was an alien, really - a sort of eating, pooping, tantrum machine - and he didn't understand anything about her species.”

Christopher Moore

“Do we still have to floss?" Tommy asked. "I mean, what's the point of being immortal if we have to floss?”

Christopher Moore

Source: You Suck

“Charlie Asher: Mrs. Ling, is that duck wearing trousers?
Mrs. Ling: Could be…. You hear of paper-wrap chicken? This duck in pants.”

Christopher Moore book A Dirty Job

Source: A Dirty Job

“Well they're pissed off and they're hungry. I was kind of busy trying not to get my brains eaten. They seemed pretty adamant about the brain-eating thing. Then they're going to IKEA, I guess”

Christopher Moore

Source: The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror

“All killer whales are named Kevin. You knew that, right?”

Christopher Moore

Source: Fluke: Or, I Know Why the Winged Whale Sings

“Lonliness evaporated off of them like the steam off dry ice, and by morning it was just a cloud on the ceiling of the room, then gone with the light.”

Christopher Moore book A Dirty Job

Source: A Dirty Job

“Adeline had come to Christianity the same way she had come to sex and smoking:through peer pressure. Thinking about her six kids and her smoker's hack, she wondered if perhaps peer pressure didn't always lead to the best habits.”

Christopher Moore book Coyote Blue

Source: Coyote Blue

“… And so Charlie Asher… led an army of fourteen-inch-tall bundles of animal bits, armed with everything from knitting needles to a spork, into the storm sewers of San Fransciso.”

Christopher Moore book A Dirty Job

Source: A Dirty Job

“We know there's going to be nothing but pain, but we go back again and again.”

Christopher Moore

Source: The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror

“Will there be heinous fuckery, Pocket?”

Christopher Moore book Fool

Source: Fool

“That's a horrible plan."
"Yes, but I have chosen to ignore that.”

Christopher Moore

Source: Sacré Bleu: A Comedy d'Art

“All fear comes from trying to see the future, Biff. If you know what is coming, you aren't afraid.”

Christopher Moore book Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal

Source: Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal

“Wet towel under the door,' said Barry. 'It's what you do when you're smoking weed in a hotel and you don't want everyone calling security. You're always supposed to have a towel. I read about it in a guide for hitchhiking through the galaxy.”

Christopher Moore

Source: Bite Me

“The Angel Gabriel disappeared once for sixty years and they found him on earth hiding in the body of a man named Miles Davis.”

Christopher Moore book Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal

Source: Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal

“Kayso, it turns out that driving an actual car is way harder than it is in 'Grand Theft Auto: Zombie Hooker Smackdown.”

Christopher Moore

Source: Bite Me

“If there was anything I learned from John the Baptist, it was that the sooner you confess a mistake, the quicker you can get on to making new and better mistakes.”

Christopher Moore book Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal

Source: Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal

“Praying is talking to God. Meditating is listening.”

Christopher Moore book Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal

Source: Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal

“Enchantment and seduction were fine means of persuasion, but when time is short, an awkward but quick concussion could better serve a girl's purpose.”

Christopher Moore

Source: Sacre Bleu: A Comedy d Art

“I fear you may become a lonely man, even in the company of others.”

Christopher Moore book Fool

Source: Fool

“Inside, I was like: "Ha, suck my spiky rubber strap-on, vampyre hunter!”

Christopher Moore

Source: You Suck

“You're going to break my heart, aren't you?”

Christopher Moore book Bloodsucking Fiends

Source: Bloodsucking Fiends

“Unless you can change the past, you’re wasting the present on this guilt”

Christopher Moore book Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal

Source: Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal

“Yo, yo, yo, check it out," said PJ, with enough hand gestures that any deaf person watching would have thought he had ASL Tourette's syndrome”

Christopher Moore

Source: You Suck

“Compliment but do not covet.”

Christopher Moore

“Fornication with your daughters thats like a double dog sin.”

Christopher Moore book Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal

Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal (2002)

“You should feel what it is like to pleasure a falcon. You lock talons with her in the sky and do it while you both are falling like meteors. You would like it; they never complain if you come too fast.”

Christopher Moore book Coyote Blue

Coyote Blue (1994)

“Tension among a bunch of neurotics is just more interesting for a story than is a description of dedicated professionals doing their work and getting along, which is the case in reality. When in doubt, assume I made it up.”

Christopher Moore book Fluke, or, I Know Why the Winged Whale Sings

Author's notes : Science and Magic
Fluke, or, I Know Why the Winged Whale Sings (2003)

“I fink I gots deaf on me willie.”

Christopher Moore book Fool

Drool, Ch 14 - On Tender Horns - pg 170
Fool (2009)

“When the oil of the lamp is used up the wanker shall light his own way to salvation.”

Christopher Moore book Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal

Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal (2002)

“Mary: You can read?
Pocket: I was raised in a nunnery, wench. I'm a walking library of learning bound in comely leather, suitable for stroking at your service, should you fancy a bit of culture to go with your lack of breeding…or vice verse of course.”

Christopher Moore book Fool

Fool (2009)

“And so that is the story of how St. Rufus of Pipewrench was licked to death by marmots.”

Christopher Moore book Fool

Thalia
Fool (2009)

“The Ghost: I'm sorry to haunt you while you're rogering the help.
Pocket: The rogering has not commenced, wisp. I have barely bridled the horse for a moist and bawdy ride. Now, go away!”

Christopher Moore book Fool

Fool (2009)

“Regardless of its purpose, the humpback-whale song is the most complex piece of nonhuman composition on earth. Whether it's art, prayer, or booty call, the humpback song is an amazing thing to experience firsthand, and I suspect that even once the science of it is put to bed, it will remain, as long as they sing, magic.”

Christopher Moore book Fluke, or, I Know Why the Winged Whale Sings

Author's notes : Science and Magic
Fluke, or, I Know Why the Winged Whale Sings (2003)

“Moses should have said "Let my people go. Please."”

Christopher Moore book Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal

Josh (Jesus)
Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal (2002)

“Fancy a spot of stony bonking before vespers?”

Christopher Moore book Fool

Thalia, to the Bishop, after being found servicing Pocket
Fool (2009)