Christopher Moore: Trending quotes

Christopher Moore trending quotes. Read the latest quotes in collection
Christopher Moore: 268 quotes0 likes

“By Aladdin's lamplit scrotum, man! Everything is a story. What is there but stories? Stories are the only truth.”

Christopher Moore book Practical Demonkeeping

Source: Practical Demonkeeping

“This is a bawdy tale. Herein you will find gratuitous shagging, murder, spanking, maiming, treason, and heretofore unexplored heights of vulgarity and profanity, as well as non-traditional grammar, split infinitives, and the odd wank.”

Christopher Moore book Fool

Source: Fool

“Oh, I would while away the hours,
Wanking in the flowers, my heart all full of song,
I'd be gliding all the lilies as I waved about my willie,
If I only had a schlong.”

Christopher Moore book Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal

Source: Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal

“He loved constantly, instantly, spontaneously, without thought or words. That's what he taught me. Love is not something you think about, it is a state in which you dwell. That was his gift.”

Christopher Moore book Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal

Source: Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal

“That's the scary thing about hope," she said. "If you let it go too long it turns into faith.”

Christopher Moore book Coyote Blue

Source: Coyote Blue

“Shoes off in the whale! And don't try and make a break for the anus.”

Christopher Moore

Source: Fluke: Or, I Know Why the Winged Whale Sings

“And an inky-colored despair of rejection enveloped me like the black tortilla of depression around a pain burrito.”

Christopher Moore

Source: Bite Me

“I know that even now, having watched enough television, you probably won't even refer to them as lepers so as to spare their feelings. You probably call them 'parts-dropping-off challenged' or something.”

Christopher Moore book Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal

Source: Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal

“No one knows why, but second only to eating the brains of the living, the dead love affordable prefab furniture.”

Christopher Moore

Source: The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror

“They want to be tied up, I tie them up. They want to be spanked, I spank them. They want to be called names, I call them names. But try and drink a little of their blood, and they scream like babies. What about my needs?”

Christopher Moore

“Faith isn't an act of intelligence, it's an act of imagination.”

Christopher Moore book Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal

Source: Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal

“We've been rehearsing a classic from antiquity,, the story of a young prince of Denmark who goes mad, drowns his girlfriend, and in his remorse, forces spoiled breakfast on all whom he meets.”

Christopher Moore book Fool

Source: Fool

“I'm thinking of being a professional mourner. How hard can it be? Tear at your hair, sing a dirge or two, take the rest of the week off.”

Christopher Moore book Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal

Source: Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal

“But she's a redhead, so she's probably evil, even at her tender age."

"I thought you liked redheads."

"I do. What's your point?”

Christopher Moore

Source: Sacré Bleu: A Comedy d'Art

“Most of us don't live our lives with one, integrated self that meets the world, we're a whole bunch of selves.”

Christopher Moore book A Dirty Job

Source: A Dirty Job

“Life is messy. Would that every puzzle piece fell into place, every word was kind, every accident happy, but such is not the case. Life is messy”

Christopher Moore

Source: The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror

“… You seem upset, Charlie. Is something wrong?
Charlie: No, no, I’m okay, I just had to take directions from a mute beaver in a fez to get here, it’s unsettling.”

Christopher Moore book A Dirty Job

Source: A Dirty Job

“I'll bet he was myrrh. Bastard, he brings the cheapest gift and now he wants to sodomize me.”

Christopher Moore book Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal

Source: Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal