Ben Croshaw: Likeness

“My main inspiration is sardonic British TV critics like Charlie Brooker, whose excellent show Screenwipe is fully on Youtube, and I recommend everyone watch it. He used to write for a PC magazine I read fanatically as a child. My own style is a mixture of him, possibly Douglas Adams, and internet writers like Seanbaby, Old Man Murray, or Something Awful. I’m such a rip-off.”

Ben Croshaw

http://www.geek.com/interview-zero-punctuations-yahtzee/
Other Articles

Reading

“Games with ragdoll death animations just make it look even more ridiculous. One moment an enemy is strafing and firing at full speed, the next his entire body just goes limp like Mr. Scotty teleported his skeleton out of his body or something.”

Ben Croshaw

19 July 2007
Fully Ramblomatic

Death , Game , Animals , Speed

“So, Brussels have come up with a little thing called a European Constitution, which will unite all of the European Union into a single superstate, governed by a single government. There may be a problem with everyone speaking different languages and hating each other, but seemingly insurmountable problems have been solved in the past. Like Mount Everest, or making a film based on the Lord of the Rings.”

Ben Croshaw

14 May 2003
Fully Ramblomatic

Hate , Problem , Past

“Apparently this is true, according to one The_Mad_Revisionist, who is incidentally the aforementioned one man who believes fervently that (a) the moon does not exist, and (b) there's a huge worldwide conspiracy covering this up. Amazing how times change; as little as a hundred years ago we used to keep loonies like this in big sanitariums where they get poked with sticks and hosed down with cold water every night. Nowadays, we just give them websites. Heh. I just realised you could make a half-decent Matrix parody out of this guy. There Is No Moon.”

Ben Croshaw

Meet the crazy moon man http://www.fullyramblomatic.com/essays/moon.htm
Fully Ramblomatic, Essays

Guy , Water , Change , Time

“It was as we were sailing out onto the wide chinchilla sea that I noticed how every chinchilla looked exactly like Marlboro, the chinchilla I had owned as a ten-year-old and which I had put inside a popcorn machine to see what would happen. Then the boat ran aground on the biggest chinchilla ever.”

Ben Croshaw

Source: Fullyramblomatic Novels, Fog Juice, Chapter Two

Sea

“Don't you think it's weird how so many awards these days look like rough crystal formations freshly carved from the rock? Oh I guess you wouldn't know because YOU DON'T WIN AWARDS”

Ben Croshaw

25 April 2009
Fully Ramblomatic

Thinking

“Michael Atkinson vows to continue to 'fight' violent media. Which seems a bit like trying to turn the tide back with a water pistol.”

Ben Croshaw

20 January 2010
Twitter

Water , Fight

“Today marks the completion of my twenty-third year on this foetid planet. Who would have thought I'd make it this long without dying of mercury poisoning or swallowing my own tongue or something like that.”

Ben Croshaw

24 May 2006
Fully Ramblomatic

“I feel bad when I'm the only person on the bus. It's like I'm the only person who showed up to the driver's birthday party.”

Ben Croshaw

28 June 2010
Twitter

Feeling , Birthday , Personality

“I'd just like to point out that Billy Joel looks like the result of a depraved breeding experiment between Ringo Starr and the tall bloke from Everybody Loves Raymond.”

Ben Croshaw

7 July 2004
Fully Ramblomatic

Love

“The curtains were drawn, and the only source of light - indeed, the object to which my attention was suddenly exclusively drawn - was a lit candle on the kitchen table, that had probably originally been shaped like Snoopy but was now a mass of melted rivulets, as if Snoopy had fallen victim to some kind of flesh-eating virus.”

Ben Croshaw

Source: Fullyramblomatic Novels, Fog Juice, Chapter One

Light

“I seem to have gathered a reputation for being a jerk in real life, because frankly fans make me uncomfortable. Complete strangers come up and talk to me like they've known me their whole lives, and for that reason I can seem a bit stand-offish… No, the whole "fan" thing confuses me.”

Ben Croshaw

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/editorials/interviews/6457-An-Exclusive-Interview-With-Yahtzee.3
Other Articles

Life , Jerk

“Winning the lottery is like slipping your hand into the bra of the most beautiful woman in the world, then getting it stuck and having to saw it off at the wrist.”

Ben Croshaw

Source: Fullyramblomatic Novels, Articulate Jim: A Search For Something, Chapter Eight

World , Beauty

“I’d like the power to make things die with the power of my mind. Not because I have any specific use in mind for it; I just think it’d be useful to have for difficult social situations. Like, if you’re trying to sleep on a plane and a bloke three seats down is laughing really loudly at a film. Or if someone’s trying to make me say something nice about their hideous baby, it would be a good way to change the subject. But then again, that’s really just replacing one awkward social situation with another.”

Ben Croshaw

http://www.darkhorse.com/Blog/1125/interview-yahtzee-croshaw-about-jam
Other Articles

Way , Thinking , Sleep , Change

“Rest assured, Mogworld's not being entirely released online. Just the first part. I would still like your money. That would be lovely.”

Ben Croshaw

16 December 2010
Twitter

Love , Money , Parting

“So, Americans, then. Self-appointed vigilante defenders of the world, kind of like Superman, if Superman was retarded and only fought crime when he felt like it.”

Ben Croshaw

3 July 2003
Fully Ramblomatic

World

“But as any sixteen-year-old sweatily bringing a Playboy up to the counter of a newsagent's expecting everyone in the room to suddenly point and start screaming like the guy from Invasion of the Body Snatchers will tell you, titties become considerably more satisfying when you have to work for them.”

Ben Croshaw

26 December 2010
Twitter

Guy

“You know how it is, you go away for a week and all the work piles up like a big heap of mail holding your front door closed.”

Ben Croshaw

8 November 2009
Fully Ramblomatic

“Idea for movie: alcohol-based LXG-style crossover in which buddy heroes Jack Daniels and Jim Beam sail around the world with Captain Morgan. Jack's girlfriend is called Midori and she likes having sex on the beach. Their smartmouth talking pet is the Famous Grouse.”

Ben Croshaw

2 June 2011
Twitter

Alcohol , World , Sex , Idea

“I heard a story that Guinness once decided to stop advertising. Everybody knew what Guinness was. Everyone who liked and regularly drunk Guinness wouldn't find out anything new about Guinness from TV spots and they were guaranteed sales as long as St. Patrick's Day existed. But you know what happened? Their sales plummeted. Very, very quickly. So next time you complain about adverts on TV or in the cinema or even on my online videos, remember that it wouldn't be necessary if you weren't all such flighty cunts.”

Ben Croshaw

4 August 2010
Fully Ramblomatic

Time