Ben Croshaw: Trending quotes

“My main inspiration is sardonic British TV critics like Charlie Brooker, whose excellent show Screenwipe is fully on Youtube, and I recommend everyone watch it. He used to write for a PC magazine I read fanatically as a child. My own style is a mixture of him, possibly Douglas Adams, and internet writers like Seanbaby, Old Man Murray, or Something Awful. I’m such a rip-off.”

Ben Croshaw

http://www.geek.com/interview-zero-punctuations-yahtzee/
Other Articles

Reading

“I had written a beautiful piece for today. It was a rant about how much I despise Halloween. It was witty, well-written and a shining example of a writer at the top of his form. Then I tried to save it, and my computer crashed. So I guess you won't get to read it. Out of all the people in the world, I am the only one who had the opportunity to read my brilliant Halloween article, and now the text is already fading from my cruel, cruel short-term memory, the paragraphs lost in a whirling sea of data, never to be seen again.”

Ben Croshaw

31 October 2002
Fully Ramblomatic

People , World , Beauty , Memory

“Last night at the bar someone asked me to say something 'hot and sexy'. All I could think of on the fly was 'Hayden Christensen.”

Ben Croshaw

7 September 2010
Twitter

Thinking , Flying , Night

“Games with ragdoll death animations just make it look even more ridiculous. One moment an enemy is strafing and firing at full speed, the next his entire body just goes limp like Mr. Scotty teleported his skeleton out of his body or something.”

Ben Croshaw

19 July 2007
Fully Ramblomatic

Death , Game , Animals , Speed

“So, Brussels have come up with a little thing called a European Constitution, which will unite all of the European Union into a single superstate, governed by a single government. There may be a problem with everyone speaking different languages and hating each other, but seemingly insurmountable problems have been solved in the past. Like Mount Everest, or making a film based on the Lord of the Rings.”

Ben Croshaw

14 May 2003
Fully Ramblomatic

Hate , Problem , Past

“You know what's so great about junk food? Fat people who eat too much die young from cholesterol poisoning! It's a problem that solves itself!”

Ben Croshaw

My Tribute to the U.S.
Fully Ramblomatic, Essays

People , Food , Problem

“There's something oddly satisfying about coughing up a particularly big mouthful of phlegm. Could almost let you skip breakfast.”

Ben Croshaw

1 April 2010
Twitter

“Apparently this is true, according to one The_Mad_Revisionist, who is incidentally the aforementioned one man who believes fervently that (a) the moon does not exist, and (b) there's a huge worldwide conspiracy covering this up. Amazing how times change; as little as a hundred years ago we used to keep loonies like this in big sanitariums where they get poked with sticks and hosed down with cold water every night. Nowadays, we just give them websites. Heh. I just realised you could make a half-decent Matrix parody out of this guy. There Is No Moon.”

Ben Croshaw

Meet the crazy moon man http://www.fullyramblomatic.com/essays/moon.htm
Fully Ramblomatic, Essays

Guy , Water , Change , Time

“…at the end of the day, nothing makes me feel more positive than something I can get really pissed off about.”

Ben Croshaw

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/columns/extra-punctuation/9768-What-Not-to-Hate-About-E3.2
Other Articles

Feeling

“"Those shells don't look very comfortable, miss." - Edited from the original script of the Little Mermaid (Chapter Eleven)”

Ben Croshaw

Fullyramblomatic Novels, Articulate Jim: A Search For Something

“Ah, spam. Where would we be without spam? I'll tell you where. We'll be living in a lush, verdant paradise, unspoilt by rejected technology, where men and women of all creeds and races can join hands and sing for the sheer joy of being alive.”

Ben Croshaw

The Spam Man Cometh
Fully Ramblomatic, Features

Women , Men , Singing , Joy

“But now I play Silent Hill too much, because it is the most awesome series in the world that proves if proof be needed that the Japanese are just so much better at this whole 'horror' thing.”

Ben Croshaw

Silent Hill Showdown
Fully Ramblomatic, Features

World

“Religion should be something you keep within the confines of your own head, and we should all recognize how pointless it is to try and make other people see the fairies that live in your brain.”

Ben Croshaw

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/columns/extra-punctuation/7473-Extra-Punctuation-Videogames-as-Art.2
Other Articles

People , Religion

“The only thing worse than being single on Valentine's day is being single on Valentine's day while living with a couple.”

Ben Croshaw

14 February 2010
Twitter

“I'm not a great judge of my own work, me. I'm constantly referring to the ZP Wikiquote page to find out for myself what the funniest line that week was.”

Ben Croshaw

http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3297636&userid=0&perpage=40&pagenumber=53#post378442792
Other Articles

“Most sensitive part of the male human physique, and he places it in almost the exact geological centre of the body, right between the legs, dangling down in it's own special bag. He might as well have painted them fluorescent orange and made the hair above it grow into the words 'your foot goes here.”

Ben Croshaw

Where God Went Wrong
Fully Ramblomatic, Essays

God , Parting , Painting

“It was as we were sailing out onto the wide chinchilla sea that I noticed how every chinchilla looked exactly like Marlboro, the chinchilla I had owned as a ten-year-old and which I had put inside a popcorn machine to see what would happen. Then the boat ran aground on the biggest chinchilla ever.”

Ben Croshaw

Source: Fullyramblomatic Novels, Fog Juice, Chapter Two

Sea

“Don't you think it's weird how so many awards these days look like rough crystal formations freshly carved from the rock? Oh I guess you wouldn't know because YOU DON'T WIN AWARDS”

Ben Croshaw

25 April 2009
Fully Ramblomatic

Thinking

“Michael Atkinson vows to continue to 'fight' violent media. Which seems a bit like trying to turn the tide back with a water pistol.”

Ben Croshaw

20 January 2010
Twitter

Water , Fight

“The 'wemon' is a shy creature and bathrooms offer it comfort by reminding it of its native Sweden! Try to lure it out with a few styrofoam packing peanuts and scratch it gently behind the ears.”

Ben Croshaw

5 October 2005
Fully Ramblomatic