Quotes from book

Lords and Ladies

“Don't try the paranormal until you know what's normal.”

“Stand before your god, bow before your king, kneel before your man.”

“This is a lovely party," said the Bursar to a chair, "I wish I was here.”

“Someone got killed up here…. It was outside. A tall man. He had one leg longer’n the other. And a beard. He was probably a hunter."
"How’d you know all that?"
"I just trod on ‘im.”

“What is magic?
There is the wizard's explanation… wizards talk about candles, circles, planets, stars, bananas, chants, runes and the importance of having at least four good meals every day.”

“It wasn't that Nanny Ogg sang badly. It was just that she could hit notes which, when amplified by a tin bath half full of water, ceased to be sound and became some sort of invasive presence.”

“I never said nothing…"
"I know you never! I could hear you not saying anything! You've got the loudest silences I ever did hear from anyone who wasn't dead!”

“Even the blind and meek and voiceless have gods.”

“You call yourself some kind of goddess and you know nothing, madam, nothing. What don't die can't live. What don't live can't change. What don't change can't learn. The smallest creature that dies in the grass knows more than you.”

“The shortest unit of time in the multiverse is the New York Second, defined as the period of time between the traffic lights turning green and the cab behind you honking.”

“Verence would rather cut his own leg off than put a witch in prison, since it'd save trouble in the long run and probably be less painful.”

“… people didn't seem to be able to remember what it was like with the elves around. Life was certainly more interesting then, but usually because it was shorter. And it was more colorful, if you liked the color of blood.”

“They'd smash up the world if they thought it would make a pretty noise.”

“If you really want to upset a witch, do her a favor which she has no means of repaying. The unfulfilled obligation will nag at her like a hangnail.”

“No matter what she did with her hair it took about three minutes for it to tangle itself up again, like a garden hosepipe in a shed [Which, no matter how carefully coiled, will always uncoil overnight and tie the lawnmower to the bicycles].”

“I thought unicorns were more… Fluffy.”

“Using a metaphor in front of a man as unimaginative as Ridcully was like a
red flag to a bu… was like putting something very annoying in front of
someone who was annoyed by it.”

“Bursar?"
"Yes, Archchancellor?"
"You ain't a member of some secret society or somethin', are you?"
"Me? No, Archchancellor."
"Then it'd be a damn good idea to take your underpants off your head.”

“Nanny Ogg looked under her bed in case there was a man there. Well, you never knew your luck.”