Quotes from book

Diary of a Madman

“Marchember 86. Between day and night.”

“The year 2000: April 43rd.—To-day is a day of splendid triumph. Spain has a king; he has been found, and I am he.”

“No date. The day had no date.”

“To tell the truth, I often felt uneasy when I thought of the excessive brittleness and fragility of the moon. The moon is generally repaired in Hamburg, and very imperfectly. It is done by a lame cooper, an obvious blockhead who has no idea how to do it. He took waxed thread and olive-oil—hence that pungent smell over all the earth which compels people to hold their noses. And this makes the moon so fragile that no men can live on it, but only noses. Therefore we cannot see our noses, because they are on the moon.”

“All the world knows that France sneezes when England takes a pinch of snuff.”

“[P]eople think that the human brain is in the head. Nothing of the sort; it is carried by the wind from the Caspian Sea.”

“[Final lines] mother, mother, save your unhappy son! Let a tear fall on his aching head! See how they torture him! Press the poor orphan to your bosom! He has no rest in this world; they hunt him from place to place.

Mother, mother, have pity on your sick child! And do you know that the Bey of Algiers has a wart under his nose?”