“And the pleasures and rewards of the intellect are inseparable from angst, uncertainty, conflict and even despair.”

“Although our intellect always longs for clarity and certainty, our nature often finds uncertainty fascinating.”

“[Julian - disguised]
The hunter turns not
Despairing from the chase because the deer
Flies from his pursuit : every obstacle
Becomes a pleasure.”

“Those who believe they believe in God, but without passion in the heart, without anguish of mind, without uncertainty, without doubt, and even at times without despair, believe only in the idea of God, and not in God himself.”

“Those who believe that they believe in God, but without passion in their hearts, without anguish in mind, without uncertainty, without doubt, without an element of despair even in their consolation, believe only in the God idea, not God Himself.”

“Life seems to me essentially passion, conflict, rage… It is only intellect that keeps me sane; perhaps this makes me overvalue intellect against feeling.”

“So, in my relationships with men, I’ve always sought suffering, conflict, and despair.”

“Uncertainty, doubt, perpetual wrestling with the mystery of our final destiny, mental despair, and the lack of any solid and stable foundation, may be the basis of an ethic.”

“What's interesting is, in the months leading up to this, I was probably at the lowest ebb in my life. I was feeling just teenage angst. I didn't know if I wanted to continue living — that kind of despair. I was praying to a God I didn't know was listening.”

“But nothing lasts, not even stone, not even despair.”