“Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken!”

“Erotica is using a feather; pornograpy is using the whole chicken.”

“Just because we wear make-up don't mean we can't kick your butt.”

“Does it make you brave to stick your hand in a bear's mouth? Would you do it again just because you didn't die?”

“Just erotic. Nothing kinky. It's the difference between using a feather and using a chicken.”

“It's the bane of existence for anyone in comedy. 'The photograph must be funny!' So the people coordinating the shoot throw rubber chickens at you, 20 at a time. Or put a feathered hat on you. Or give you a clown nose. Of course, all of this makes you depressed, so you wind up looking more like you're promoting A Long Day's Journey Into Night.”

“The chief requisite for the making of a good chicken pie is chicken; no amount of culinary legerdemain can make up for the lack of chicken. In the same way, the chief requisite for the history of science is intimate scientific knowledge; no amount of philosophic legerdemain can make up for its absence.”

“Stop trying to impress some art-school teacher with a stick up his butt whose opinions you never respected from the time you entered his class until you left it 10 years ago. Draw like you.”

“Stick it up your crack, you warped son of a mutant b*tch!”

“Your failures and your faults, they stick with you. They glob into ugly, cancerous growths inside you and make you want to die.”