“You know, there are easier ways to meet a guy than to run him over.”

“Because when a guy's a jerk or an asshole, it's easier because you know exactly where you stand.”

“Please, I'd love to meet the guy you couldn't handle, and give him and award.”

“You don’t have to run faster than the bear to get away. You just have to run faster than the guy next to you.”

“She said people found running to something easier than running from something.”

“I meet men all the time who can bench 400 pounds but can't climb up through a window to pull someone from a burning building. I know guys who can run marathons but can't sprint to anyone's rescue unless they put their shoes on first. Lots of swimmers do laps every day but can't dive deep enough to save a friend, or know how to carry him over rocks and out of the surf.”

“If you ever meet a guy and you fall in love with him, but because of some weird genetic mutation he doesn't seem to return the feeling?… Wear that dress.”

“Hey, you sass that hoopy Ford Prefect? There's a frood who really knows where his towel is."
(Sass: know, be aware of, meet, have sex with; hoopy: really together guy; frood: really amazingly together guy.)”

“I've always said, if you run for president, you shouldn't be allowed to use teleprompters. Because you don't even know if the guy is smart.”

“Military guys are rarely as smart as they think they are, and they've never gotten over the fact that civilians run the military.”