“I don’t think I open myself to it. My dick is sort of like a white supremacist. I’ve got a Benetton heart and a fuckin’ David Duke cock. I’m going to start dating separately from my dick.”

“I am awesome and you are just awe-struck
She's love-stricken, she's got her jaw stuck
From suckin' my dick—aw, fuck!”

“If you don't like my attitude, then you can fuck off, just go to Texas and suck George Bush's dick!”

“Oh my God! I was always wondering what it would be like to run over a dried up, stinky, dick licker.”

“I had a good time there. Moby Dick was my nickname. I struck out four times one night, and in the papers they said Ahab got his whale.”

“Okay, okay! Honestly, you fucking DICK, get the fuck away from my car, or I´ll eat your dog!”

“From so much self-revising, I’ve destroyed myself. From so much self-thinking, I’m now my thoughts and not I”

“Sitting on my stool I thought of a bumper sticker: "If Mean People Suck, Why Isn't My Dick In Your Mouth?”

“I think it’s more like a shirt that says, ‘I’m going to have to end this date early so I can go prepare my Power Point presentation”

“I’m often called, so often called in the media, it’s like a part of my name “white supremacist” or whatever. I’m not one. I don’t want white people to be supreme. I don’t believe, in fact, that we should even have bases in 65 countries of the world I don’t think we should be in Iraq. I don’t believe we should try to control politics of the South American countries or the Southeast Asia or in Africa, or anywhere else in the world. But I do think we have a right to preserve our own culture, own heritage in our own country.”