“There is in all men a demand for the superlative, so much so that the poor devil who has no other way of reaching it attains it by getting drunk.”

“I know some who are constantly drunk on books as other men are drunk on whiskey.”

“There are people who read too much: the bibliobibuli. I know some who are constantly drunk on books, as other men are drunk on whiskey or religion. They wander through this most diverting and stimulating of worlds in a haze, seeing nothing and hearing nothing.”

“Each race creates its own devils. You had so many that they specialized. Devils of racial hatred, devils of greed and violence. Devils who killed their own people in orgies of blood. Devils who bombed clinics, devils who bombed school buses, devils who bombed other devils. I got to know every one of them by name. As soon as I arrived, I sent my monsters out to kill them all. They had tarnished my reputation, and though I have lavished much care on mankind, vengeance is mine.”

“Do you get so drunk you hump a cupholder?”

“Herein lies the tragedy of the age: not that men are poor, — all men know something of poverty; not that men are wicked, — who is good? not that men are ignorant, — what is Truth? Nay, but that men know so little of men.”

“Sometimes I just think depression's one way of coping with the world. Like, some people get drunk, some people do drugs, some people get depressed. Because there's so much stuff out there that you have to do something to deal with it.”

“I feel so sorry for those poor men sitting up there all day. They must be so cold.”

“Written kisses don't reach their destination, rather they are drunk on the way by the ghosts.”

“An American monkey, after getting drunk on brandy, would never touch it again, and thus is much wiser than most men.”