“Old age is an insult. It's like being smacked.”

“I tried to like it. For me, it was like being smacked around the head by a piece of IKEA furniture: it hurts, but you've got to admire the workmanship.”

“The young are of age when they twitter like the old; they are driven through school to learn the old song, and, when they have this by heart, they are declared of age.”

“The way some of these politicians talk about homosexuality is very insulting. They treat it like it's a disease, like being gay is contagious. Being gay is not contagious. And if you think that it is, YOU'RE GAY.”

“Middle school is for being like everyone else; middle age is for being like yourself. (430)”

“Old age isn't a battle; old age is a massacre.”

“Old age is like learning a new profession. And not one of your own choosing.”

“Relish love in your old age! Aged love is like aged wine; it becomes more satisfying, more refreshing, more valuable, more appreciated and more intoxicating!”

“Colleges are like old-age homes; except for the fact that more people die in colleges.”

“From extreme old age, sanity is requested. It is like asking for strength from weakness.”