“I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like "Dude, you have to wait."”

“I'll want to hear,' Samuel said. 'I eat stories like grapes.”

“You think it's okay that we're eating Rudolph?"
"Dude," Percy said, "I could eat Prancer and Blitzen, too. I'm HUNGRY.”

“I was at the airport a while back and some guy said "Hey man, I saw you on TV last night." But he did not say whether or not he thought I was good, he was just confirming that he saw me on television. So I turned my head away for about a minute, and looked back at him and said "Dude! I saw you at the airport… About a minute ago… And you were good."”

“Always eat grapes downwards — that is, always eat the best grape first; in this way there will be none better left on the bunch, and each grape will seem good down to the last.”

“I like walking in the park… plucking out nose hairs. Those sleeping winos hate that.”

“Dude! said a party pony as he unloaded his gear. Did you see that bear guy? He was all like: 'Whoa, I have an arrow in my mouth!”

“… if this Roman dude’s as bad as you say, then why are you lurking outside his store looking all charged and heated like a dog waiting for its owner?”

“The moment you meet him you're like 'this dude's famous,' whether a million people know it or no one knows it. The first time I met him, when I was like 16, I was like, 'This is a dude I want to know.' He just has a magnetic personality. And I think there's something kind of cool about the front man of our band being the bassist who doesn't sing.”

“He groaned and I saw his face. "Curran!" I would've preferred a homicidal lunatic. Oh, wait…”