“"I’m an owl; you’re another. Sir Critic, good day."
And the barber kept on shaving.”

The Owl-Critic, reported in Bartlett's Familiar Quotations, 10th ed. (1919).

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James Thomas Fields6

American writer and publisher 1817–1881

Dale Carnegie How to Win Friends and Influence People

Source: How to Win Friends and Influence People

“[Nasreddin Hoca is being shaved by an inexperienced barber. ]
"One moment, Sir!" said the barber, and he stuck a bit of cotton on the wound. In the next pass of the razor, another bit of the Hoca's cheek went with it. "One moment, sir!" and he stuck a bit of cotton on the second wound. With each stroke of the razor, another bit of cotton joined the crop sprouting on the Hoca's left cheek. "Now," said the barber, "I'll do the other side." "One moment, young man!" said the Hoca as he studied the bits of cotton that dotted his left cheek. "Stop right there! I believe I'll plant wheat on the other side."”

Nasreddin (1208–1284) philosopher, Sufi and wise man from Turkey, remembered for his funny stories and anecdotes

Barbara K. Walker and Helen Siegl, The Art of the Turkish Tale (1990), Vol. 1, , p. 57

“Is that it?”
“No. That’s a wall.”
“It could be disguised.”
“You’re not very good at looking for things, are you?”
“I’m good at looking for walls. Look, I found another one.”

Derek Landy (1974) Irish children's writer

Source: Kingdom of the Wicked

“It’s because of you when I’m in bed in the morning that I can wind my spring and tell myself I have to live another good day.”

Haruki Murakami book Norwegian Wood

Variant: It's because of you when I'm in bed in the morning that I can wind my spring and tell myself I have to live another good day.
Source: Norwegian Wood

““Murder, I’m afraid, if someone does not intervene.”
He laughed. “Oh, you women are so melodramatic. Do no expect me to catch you when you faint.”
“I would rather hit the ground. Good day, sir.””

Mary Robinette Kowal (1969) American writer and puppeteer

Source: Shades of Milk and Honey (2010), Chapter 24 (p. 268)

“You’re as worthless as one of that decrepit mob. Lucifer has rejected you. Now mankind rejects you. Have the good taste, Sir, to accept a fact!”

Michael Moorcock book The City in the Autumn Stars

Source: The City in the Autumn Stars (1986), Chapter 17 (p. 408)

“I’m going into my 13th year in the NFL, and I switched over [to a plant-based diet] two years ago. … [T]he day after a game, everybody’s sore … and I’m jumping rope and they’re looking at me like, ‘Man you’re supposed to be the old guy on the team. You’re acting like you’re the youngest guy on the team.”

Tony Gonzalez (1976) American football and basketball player

"NFL’s Tony Gonzalez: Turn Back Time With Tofu" https://www.peta.org/blog/nfls-tony-gonzalez-turn-back-time-tofu/, interview with PETA (November 10, 2009).

“If you need to talk about your childhood, you’re safe with me. If you need to break into a million pieces, I’m right here, Lev. I’ll find them all, I’m good at details, and I’ll put you back together. You’re safe here.”

Christine Feehan American writer

Source: Water Bound