“Mario! You are one, tiny loudmouth fairy. You're the only guy I know who takes a stepladder into a gloryhole.”

“Guys are great before you know who they are,' said Lucy. 'They're great when you're still with who they might be.”

“I found a sad little fairy
Beneath the shade of a paper tree.
I know a sad little fairy
Who was blown away by the wind one night.”

“You know me better than anyone, and you're my best friend. I don't think there's anything you could say to me that would lead me to believe that you're doing it just to hurt me. If there's one thing I've come to know about you, it's that you're not even capable of something like that. Why do you think I like spending time with you so much? Because you're a good guy. A nice guy.”

“God.. crack. Only in America would a guy invent crack. Only in America would there be a guy that cocaine wasn't good enough for. You know? One guy walking around New York City back in 1985 going, "You know, that cocaine's pretty good, but I want something that makes my heart explode as soon as I smoke it, ok? I want to take one suck off that crack pipe and go *snort* *splat* Now I'm happy! I'm dead, the ultimate high!"”

“Well, I never seen one guy take so much trouble for another guy. I just like to know what your interest is.”

“So I'm supposed to believe you're one of those mythical guys who only cares about a woman's personality, and not about the package it comes in?”

“"There ought to be one fairy for every boy and girl."
"Ought to be? Isn't there?"
"No. You see children know such a lot now, they soon don't believe in fairies, and every time a child says, 'I don't believe in fairies,' there is a fairy somewhere that falls down dead."”

“You only like guys you don't have a chance with, because you're scared.”

“I thought you guys said only some of the vampire bikes could fly?"
"Only some of them can!"
"How did you know this was one of them?”