“Well, I thought it was funny.”

“I wanted to do a show about a character that was an innocent, and so I focused on a sea sponge because it's a funny animal, a strange one, I thought he was a funny, nerdy, squeaky-clean square.”

“People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.”

“If you were half as funny as you thought you were, my boy, you'd be twice as funny as you are.”

“There have been a good many funny things said and written about hardupishness, but the reality is not funny, for all that. It is not funny to have to haggle over pennies. It isn't funny to be thought mean and stingy. It isn't funny to be shabby and to be ashamed of your address. No, there is nothing at all funny in poverty — to the poor.”

“Brightness… I believe you stray into sarcasm."

"Funny. I thought I'd run straight into it, screaming at the top of my lungs.”

“I write jokes for a living, I sit at my hotel at night, I think of something that's funny, then I go get a pen and I write it down. Or if the pen is too far away, I have to convince myself that what I thought of ain't funny.”

“Being funny is a gift, and, when done well, is an art form.”

“From an early age, I tried to be funny for the adults. [...] I think I thought and feel still that I have to provide that in order for people to like me.”

“Over seven thousand US veterans die of suicide every year, which is funny… [false laughter]… because you'd think they'd die over there, but they come home! Right? I thought that must be funny, because nobody was taking it that seriously.”