“In physics, I sprung on him as we sat in the Taco Bell drive-through, what does the capital letter W stand for?”

““What do lesbians have against capitalized letters?”
“Capitalization implies a hierarchy, that some letters are more special than others.””

“I sued Taco Bell
'Cause I ate half a million Chalupas
And I got fat!
I sued Panasonic
They never said I shouldn't use their microwave
To dry off my cat!”

“Well," Claire said, "at least we have tacos. Everything goes better with tacos.”

“Once I found out the secret of the universe. I have forgotten what it was, but I know that the Creator does not take Creation seriously, for I remember that He sat in Space with all His work in front of Him and laughed.”

“Did you really JUST fall, Jeffrey?
Why does everybody in my family talk in these dramatic CAPITAL LETTERS all the time? Why am I the only calm one?”

“Hear the mellow wedding bells
Golden bells!
What a world of happiness their harmony foretells
Through the balmy air of night
How they ring out their delight!”

“Wherever I sat — on the deck of a ship or at a street café in Paris or Bangkok — I would be sitting under the same glass bell jar, stewing in my own sour air.”

“What does anti-Semitism have to do with socialism? I would put the question this way: What does the Jew have to do with socialism? Socialism has to do with labor. When did one ever see him working instead of plundering, stealing and living from the sweat of others? As socialists we are opponents of the Jews because we see in the Hebrews the incarnation of capitalism.”

“[W]e are not so much concerned this evening with the dead letter of edicts and of statutes as with the living thoughts of men.”