“I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut; I don't need a receipt for the doughnut. I'll just give you the money, and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I just can't imagine a scenario where I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. Some skeptical friend: "Don't even act like I didn't get that doughnut! I got the documentation right here…oh, wait it's at home…in the file…under 'D', for doughnut."”

“I told Tantalus to go chase a doughnut.”

“Okay, take a deep breath, I told myself. Don't go all hormonal. Get the facts straight. Have a mental doughnut.”

“Whether you take the doughnut hole as a blank space or as an entity unto itself is a purely metaphysical question and does not affect the taste of the doughnut one bit.”

“Did you bring me a hamburger?
Did I-No, Myrnin, I didn't bring you a hamburger. Bizarre. He'd never asked for that before.
Coffee?
It's late.
Doughnuts?
No.
What good are you then?”

“This is like a cookie, it tastes like a cookie having sex with a doughnut.”

“Ranger sent us to check on you," Hal said. "We just got here, and we heard shots."
"Some moron ate my jelly doughnut," Lula said. "So I shot him.”

“Likest thou jelly within thy doughnut?”

“But they were doughnuts of darkness. Evil, damned doughnuts, tainted by the spawn of darkness . . .. . . which could obviously be redeemed only by passing through the fiery, cleansing inferno of a wizardly digestive tract.”

“As it turned out, everyone wanted a doughnut. Jace wanted two.”