“If one must drink, then let one drink thrice a month, for more is bad. If one gets drunk twice a month, it is better; if one gets drunk once a month, that is better still; and if one doesn't drink at all, that is the best of all.”

“A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started.”

“Life is a drink and you get drunk when you're young.”

“When one longs for a drink, it seems as though one could drink a whole ocean—that is faith; but when one begins to drink, one can only drink altogether two glasses—that is science.”

“Buy Sam a drink and get his dog one, too!”

“One should always be drunk. That's all that matters… But with what? With wine, with poetry, or with virtue, as you chose. But get drunk.”

“Excuse me please one more drink.
Could make it strong cause I don’t need to think
She broke my heart, my Grace is gone.
One more drink and I’ll move on.
One more drink and I’ll be gone.”

“You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.”

“Morality turns on whether the pleasure precedes or follows the pain. Thus, it is immoral to get drunk because the headache comes after the drinking, but if the headache came first, and the drunkenness afterwards, it would be moral to get drunk.”

“But my lord, Yvonne, surely you know by this time I can’t get drunk however much I drink.”