“The fact that Romeo is dopey, lovey-dovey, and it's a corny story. And I was afraid I'd look like a fuffy.”

“For never was a story of more woe than this of Juliet and her Romeo.”

“It's starting to sink in," Corny said. "I can almost look at you without wanting to bang my head against the wall.”

“I know you guys are living out your own private Romeo and Juliet love story, but remember: Both of them die in Act V.”

“Someday I'd like to read a story about competent people on Mars.”

“Whenever I look at me, all I see are things I'd like to change.”

“Boy I tell you what, if I were a girl, I'd never shave! I'd look like I'm smuggling around Chewbacca in my underbritches!”

“Saying my story makes me want to change it, make it sound pretty the way I do with the stories I tell the workers. I'd like it to have a beginning as grand as a ball and an ending in a whisper, like a mother tucking in a child for sleep.”

“I regard the afterlife to be a fairy story for people that are afraid of the dark”

“If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.”