“Thank you… I deserve that. I'm really good. I'm one of the best. Actually, I'm the best, currently ranked number one in the world. So buckle up. You guys are in for a treat. Oh, 19,000 people, This is awesome. Thank you. Seriously, don't look around. It's 19,000. People watching on tv, they never know. They're so stupid. That's why they watch tv.”

— Daniel Tosh

Completely Serious (2007)

Adopted from Wikiquote. Last update June 3, 2021. History

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Daniel Tosh 28

American stand-up comedian 1975

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“Thanks! Ever since I was a little kid, I wanted this! You don't know… my brother sitting there, he says "Thank God we don't have to listen to anymore… you can do it now!" My mom's home, everyone's watching… I have to thank the people at Paramount; I have to thank Jerry Zucker for taking the time he took before he decided to use me because he was sure it was for me… I have to thank Patrick Swazye… he was a stand up guy and went to them and said "I wanna do it with her"… I wanna thank Demi… I wanna thank everybody who makes movies… I come from New York; as a kid, I lived in the projects and you're the people I watched… you're the people that made me wanna be an actor… I'm so proud to be here, I'm proud to be an actor and I'm gonna keep on acting, and thank you so much!”

Whoopi Goldberg (1955) American actress

Best Supporting Actress of 1990 Acceptance Speech http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FyHo8LyroI4, for Ghost
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“Actually I've thanked you a lot of times so now I'm thanking you again.”

Joseph Gordon-Levitt (1981) American actor, director, producer, and writer

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“I'm the best. If you have the goods, there's nothing to be afraid of. If somebody doesn’t have the goods, they're insecure. I don't have that problem. I'm not the best actress that ever lived, but I know I'm pretty good.”

Jennifer Lopez (1969) American singer and actress

Jennifer Lopez shades A-list actress peers in resurfaced interview https://nypost.com/2019/09/25/jennifer-lopez-shades-a-list-actress-peers-in-resurfaced-interview/, by Nadine DeNinno, New York Post, September 25, 2019.

“You should watch when you talk to young men about responsibility. They're so thrilled about it. It just blows me away. Really?! That's what the counter-culture is? Grow up and do something useful. "Really? I can do that? Oh, I'm so excited by that idea. No one ever mentioned that before."”

Jordan Peterson (1962) Canadian clinical psychologist, cultural critic, and professor of psychology

Rights, rights, rights, rights… Jesus! It's appalling. People have had enough of that. And they better have, because it's a non-productive mode of being. Responsibility, man: that's where the meaning in life is.
Other

“Apparently, most people love watching the same basic thing [actions shows on TV], as long as the details are different. But I'm just the opposite: if I'm going to sit and watch the same thing I saw the night before, I don't want it to be essentially the same – I want it to be exactly the same. Because the more you look at the same exact thing, the more the meaning goes away, and the better and emptier you feel.”

Andy Warhol (1928–1987) American artist

1960's
undated quotes
Source: Warhol in his own words – Untitled Statements ( 1963 – 1987), selected by Neil Printz; as quoted in Andy Warhol, retrospective, Art and Bullfinch Press / Little Brown, 1989, pp. 457 – 467

“I may be vile and pernicious
But you can't look away
I make you think I'm delicious
With the stuff that I say
I'm the best you can get
Have you guessed me yet?
I'm the slime oozin' out
From your TV set.”

Frank Zappa (1940–1993) American musician, songwriter, composer, and record and film producer

"I'm the Slime"
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“People talk to old people like they're children.'Oh you're very old aren't you?' Yeah I'm old. I'm not stupid.”

Craig Ferguson (1962) Scottish-born American television host, stand-up comedian, writer, actor, director, author, producer and voice a…

“See, if I come into a black neighborhood and say, "Thanks for watching my show," and give out high fives and all that, I'm not doing no good. I go out and see a kid grabbing his crotch. Ain't nobody telling them that. Where do they get it from? They watch MTV. I say, "If you wash up more often, you won't have to grab your crotch." I'm telling these guys, "Why you gotta grab your crotch?"”

Mr. T (1952) American actor and retired professional wrestler

Then you see Michael Jackson grabbing his crotch 50 times. What's with him?

“In the United States, you look at the guy that lives in the mansion on the hill, and you think, you know, one day, if I work really hard, I could live in that mansion. In Ireland, people look up at the guy in the mansion on the hill and go, one day, I'm going to get that bastard.”

Bono (1960) Irish rock musician, singer of U2

CNN Larry King Weekend (2002)
Context: Ireland has a very different attitude to success than a lot of places, certainly than over here in the United States. In the United States, you look at the guy that lives in the mansion on the hill, and you think, you know, one day, if I work really hard, I could live in that mansion. In Ireland, people look up at the guy in the mansion on the hill and go, one day, I'm going to get that bastard. It's a different mind-set.

“Man, I promise I'm so self conscious/Thats why you always see me with at least one of my watches”

Kanye West (1977) American rapper, singer and songwriter

All Falls Down
Lyrics, The College Dropout (2004)

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Daniel Tosh 28

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