“…Novello should be extremely grateful that his innubile daughter was being taken off his hands by a Tasca.”

“I held his hand all the time the priest was saying extreme unction.”

“He's a curious man; a shrug of the shoulders and a wink and that's him. He's never thought it odd that his daughter cross-dresses for a living and sells second-hand purses on the side. But then, he's never thought it odd that his daughter was born with webbed feet.”

“If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?”

“No kid in the world, no woman in the world should ever raise a hand against a no-good daddy. That's already been taken care of: A Man Who Destroys His Own Home Shall Inherit the Wind.”

“Tory a father isn’t supposed to fear his fourteen-year-old daughter. That being sad, you terrify me.”

“The Mayor of Candor lied
When he offered me his only daughter
The Mayor of Candor tried
To take her off across the water
What a thing to do to a young man in love
What a thing to do to your daughter.”

“A man should not love the moon.
An ax should not lose weight in his hand.
His garden should smell of rotting apples
And grow a fair amount of nettles.”

“But I would dance with my daughter if I could. And if I can dance with Shilpa Shetty, then I will do that- (On being asked in an interview whether it was suitable for a man his age to dance in a song in the film Lal Badshah with Shilpa Shetty, who was young enough to be his daughter).”

“I think Rummy should walk up to the table, take the oath, offer his prepared apologies and explanations and then, at the end of his remarks, he should take out a long Japanese knife. He should then cut off his pinky. If this Yakuza style contrition doesn't work he should look to the ranking Democrat on the committee and continue removing fingers until he gets a Shogun-like nod that his offering is acceptable. He should then wrap-up up his hand, curtly bow, and then say 'I am now pleased to take your questions.”