“Writing a book is like masturbation, and making a movie is like an orgy.”

“The profession of book-writing makes horse-racing seem like a solid, stable business.”

“Books and movies are like apples and oranges. They both are fruit, but taste completely different.”

“I want to make a movie that has enough impact that it's going to do what it needs to do. But I don't want to make a film that serial killers masturbate to.”

“Life's like a movie, write your own ending. Keep believing, keep pretending.”

“Me and a book is a party. Me and a book and a cup of coffee is an orgy.”

“The fans are all upset. They’re always going to be upset. Why did he do it like this? And why didn’t he do it like this? They write their own movie, and then, if you don’t do their movie, they get upset about it.”

“I write movies about mavericks, about people who break rules, and I don't like movies about people who are pulverised for being mavericks.”

“A book is a small cog in a much more complex, external machinery. Writing is a flow among others; it enjoys no special privilege and enters into relationships of current and counter-current, of back-wash with other flows — the flows of shit, sperm, speech, action, eroticism, money, politics, etc. Like Bloom, writing on the sand with one hand and masturbating with the other — two flows in what relationship?”

“Of course people who don't believe in masturbation are all for circumcision, because it's very difficult to masturbate if you're circumcised. Whereas if you're uncircumcised you can slide that skin up & down the penis & it makes it feel almost like it's inside of a woman in your fist!”