“For Beatrice--When we were together I felt breathless. Now, you are.-Lemony Snicket”

“There are few sights sadder than a ruined book. -Lemony Snicket”

“Oftentimes, when people are miserable, they will want to make other people miserable, too. But it never helps. -Lemony Snicket”

“If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the thing is cats. -Lemony Snicket”

“For Beatrice--I would much prefer it if you were alive and well.”

“I lived for those moments when we were together, those few times in my life that I actually felt alive.”

“I’m sure you have heard it said that appearance does not matter so much, and that it is what's on the inside that counts. This is, of course, utter nonsense, because if it were true then people who were good on the inside would never have to comb their hair or take a bath, and the whole world would smell even worse than it already does. -Lemony Snicket”

“The moral of 'The Three Bears,' for instance, is 'Never break into someone else's house." The moral of "Snow White" is "Never eat apples." The moral of World War One is "Never assassinate Archduke Ferdinand". -Lemony Snicket”

“Lemony Snicket: (narrating) Reading poetry, even if you are only reading to find a secret message within its words, can often give one a feeling of power, the way you can feel powerful if you are the only one who brought an umbrella on a rainy day, or the only one who knows how to untie knots when you're taken hostage.”

“I don't know that I've ever felt as happy as I did that day, but then again, it was always like that when we were together. I never wanted it to end.”