“Dissent is morally neutral. You can correctly call yourself a dissident because you like to kick puppies, but at the end of the day, you're just a jerk who likes to kick puppies.”

“Never slam a car door. According to the Westchester elite, it's a heinous crime, as heartless as kicking a puppy.”

“Open source is free like a puppy is free.”

“Donald Trump is treating the press corps like it's a puppy that you whack on the nose with a newspaper when it pees on the floor.”

“You want safe? Find a nice puppy you can train to come heel. Love's supposed to be scary. Because if there's no fear, there's no thrill.”

“Sometimes you’re just the sweetest thing. Like Christmas, summer vacation, and a brand-new puppy rolled into one.”

“I like having a puppy that's a bulldog, 'cause it's like having a baby that is also a grandma.”

“This is the place you end up when you lose the chase,Where you're dragged against your will from a basement on a hill,And all anybody knows, is you're not like them,So they kick you in the head…and send you back to bed.<BR”

“I’m not a bad person. I haven’t killed anyone. I (rarely) lie. I don’t kick little puppies. So why do people look at me as if the world would be a better place without me?”

“He looked as though I'd just run over his pet puppy (though no actual puppies were harmed in the formation of that metaphor).”