“My mustache speaks to me… it says, 'Together, we will return the NBA to the glory of its mustache days. Pistol Pete, Kurt Rambis and Clyde Frazier.' And in the offseason, my mustache and I will drive around in a muscle car solving mysteries. Times will be good. My mustache is very wise.”

“Since my mother shaved her Hitler mustache, we look nothing alike.”

“A man without a mustache is a man without a soul.”

“I may not be Hispanic, but I'm close. I'm Catholic with a mustache.”

“Truly God is the best of creators. He designed my physical face with so much care and a little touch of makeup in the form of a beard and mustaches.”

“It was like a bad movie, except he didn't actually twirl his mustache.”

“I had grown a thin mustache, I was a full-grown man, and yet I was completely helpless and without a goal in life.”

“I wish I had a pencil-thin mustache,
the "Boston Blackie" kind.
Or a two-toned Ricky Ricardo jacket,
And an autographed picture of Andy Divine.”

“He’d grown a mustache since Randall had last seen him. It was hard to understand why: He looked devious enough without it.”

“Looking for peace is like looking for a turtle with a mustache: You won't be able to find it. But when your heart is ready, peace will come looking for you.”