“I hope the next time I move I get a real easy phone number, something that's real easy to remember. Something like two two two two two two two. I would say "Sweet." And then people would say "Mitch, how do I get a hold of you?" I'd say "Just press two for a while and when I answer, you will know you have pressed two enough."”

— Mitch Hedberg

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Mitch Hedberg 101

American stand-up comedian 1968–2005

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“Two lives, living two lives
I don't know which side of me is
where the truth lies
I'm living two lives, living two lives
I got two sides of me try'n'a do right
I got one on each shoulder
both saying "I told ya"
One is saying "Go"
and the other's saying "No, no, no."”

Example (musician) (1982) English rapper and singer

"Two Lives" (song)
("Two Lives", Official video on YouTube)) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zn60dbD0CsE
(+ "Two Lives", a lyrics version on YouTube) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NLKlbUZYd_o
Studio albums, Won't Go Quietly (2010)

“Every time I mention her, Magnus says, "Are you two getting along?" in raised, hopeful tones, like we're endangered pandas who need to make a baby.”

Sophie Kinsella book I've Got Your Number

Source: I've Got Your Number

“I sometimes feel jealous of countries like the U. S. and Great Britain that have two neighbors. … When you have two neighbors, you have two problems. When you have eight neighbors, you have eight problems.”

Kenan Evren (1917–2015) Turkish general

The Turkish Times, (News section, April 1, 2002, Year 14 No. 297) http://www.theturkishtimes.com/archive/02/04_01/index.html
Remarks from a statement responding to the announcement of the Kenan Evren Eminent Scholar Chair in Turkish Studies at Florida Atlantic University.

“Sometimes I think the only real division into two is between people who divide everything into two and those who don't.”

Gloria Steinem (1934) American feminist and journalist

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“I like to play with words. In English, there's only one or two ways to say something; in Chinese there are 30 ways.”

Geling Yan (1958) Chinese writer and screenwriter

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“If I could only have you near
To breathe a sigh or two
I would be happy just to hold the hands I love
On this winters night with you”

Gordon Lightfoot (1938) Canadian singer-songwriter

Song For A Winter's Night, Track 10, United Artists A hauntingly beautiful version http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dbgfXp5M02M
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“But I don't think there's ever been a time when the two sides just have two different sets of reality.”

Bill Maher (1956) American stand-up comedian

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Context: This is a really fascinating time because, again, we live in these two different realities. I don't think it's ever been like this. I know there's always been a — shall we say passionate — a passionate divide in American politics. But I don't think there's ever been a time when the two sides just have two different sets of reality.
I mean, if more than half the Republicans think that Obama is trying to impose Sharia law on the United States of America, that's not something that you can argue about. That's just something in their view that has to be extirpated.

“Webb, if I put you over at Justice I want you to find the answers to two questions for me. One, who killed JFK? And two, are there UFOs?”

Bill Clinton (1946) 42nd President of the United States

To Webster Hubbell during his interview for Attorney General, 1992, according to Hubbell's book Friends in High Places (1997) http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m2843/is_n2_v22/ai_20562397/
Attributed

“There are two-way words, like, it's okay for Curt Gowdy to say, "Roberto Clemente has two balls on him!" But he can't say, "I think he hurt his balls on that play, Tony, don't you?"”

George Carlin (1937–2008) American stand-up comedian

Class Clown (1972)

“This annoyed me: I was on the phone with somebody today tryin to get a phone number from that person and write it down, but they didn't have phone number rhythm and that pissed me off. You know what I'm talkin about? Phone number rhythm. Especially if there's like an area code involved, like 'two one two - bum bum buh - bum buh bum buh!' That is the rhythm I think we're all familiar with. This guy had no clue! I was like "Okay, Hank. Gimme the number." He's like "Alright. It's two one two nine - fifteen eight eleven six [mumbling incoherently] fou.. tw.. five.. eight.. seven.. two." "Did you throw in your zip code? Cause I got a lot of extra numbers over here. I have extra. I can almost start a new number! What do ya got?! Start again from the top!" They really screw you up on the last four numbers. That's where they get ya. "Five five five - six.. teen forty one" "Dude, I already wrote the six! I made the dash too close, I can't shimmy the one in there now! Forget you!"”

Kevin James (1965) American actor and comedian

Sweat The Small Stuff (2001)

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Mitch Hedberg 101

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