“It is the resentment of the past, we are told, that is making us ill. In those by now familiar groups in which addicts and their relations go into therapy together, the following belief is invariably expressed. Only when you have forgiven your parents for everything they did to you can you get well. Even if both your parents were alcoholic, even if they mistreated, confused, exploited, beat, and totally overloaded you, you must forgive.”

— Alice Miller

Breaking Down the Wall of Silence (Abbruch der Schweigemauer) (1990)

Adopted from Wikiquote. Last update June 3, 2021. History

Help us to complete the source, original and additional information

Do you have more details about the quote "It is the resentment of the past, we are told, that is making us ill. In those by now familiar groups in which addicts …" by Alice Miller?

Alice Miller 24

Swiss psychologist 1923–2010

Related quotes

“You [recruits] have sworn loyalty to me. You have only one enemy and that is my enemy. In the present social confusion it may come about that I order you to shoot down your own relatives, brothers or parents but even then you must follow my orders without a murmur.”

Wilhelm II, German Emperor (1859–1941) German Emperor and King of Prussia

Speech (23 November 1891), quoted in Michael Balfour, The Kaiser and His Times (London: Penguin, 1975), p. 158
1890s

“For those of you who are still going through the process of identifying and daily examining your parents, you must not forget the blessings that they are still alive and living together with you.”

Mwanandeke Kindembo (1996) Congolese author

“Live your way, not the way that friends, partners, colleagues or your parents told you that you must.”

Ralph Smart

twitter

“In considering the ledger equal, understand the greatest gift you have given your parents is the opportunity to raise you. The things a child gets from parents can't compare to the things a parent gets from raising a child. Only by experiencing this can you understand the degree to which children give meaning to parents' lives.”

Frank Pittman (1935–2012) American psychiatrist

How to Manage Mom and Dad (November/December 1994)

“The fellow who eggs you on to avenge yourself will rob you of what you were going to say – as we forgive our debtors. When you have forfeited that, all your sins will be held against you; absolutely nothing is forgiven.”

Aurelius Augustinus (354–430) early Christian theologian and philosopher

57:11:3
Sermons

“I remember when I first went to Singapore. I marveled at how planned everything was. But the sense of marvel was not totally positive. They had everything laid out for you: where you were going to be born, what you were going to do as a child, where you were going to get your education, where they would channel you when you’d go to work. They had things planned out for your retirement, and then for your death. It gives rise to the feeling that you might as well go ahead and die and get it over with, if that was going to circumscribe the totality of your life. But thinking about the possibility that true awakening can be found through your efforts: that breaks through those circumscribed limits. That’s not part of anybody else’s plan, but that can be part of your plan. And to whatever extent you can nurture that conviction, it keeps your heart nurtured and nourished as well.”

Thanissaro Bhikkhu (1949) Theravadin Buddhist Monk and Scholar

Conviction and Confidence (2010)

“You are confused, because you believe that you are in the world, not the world in you. Who came first – you or your parents? You imagine that you were born at a certain time and place, that you have a father and a mother, a body and a name. This is your sin and your calamity! (…)”

Nisargadatta Maharaj (1897–1981) Indian guru

Self-identification
Source: "I am That." P.42

“And even if you don't tell this person you've forgiven them, because sometimes you can't, it's amazing what will happen in your life, what will happen with that person, what will happen with you and other people, if you have a forgiving spirit and let it go.”

Ysabella Brave (1979) American singer

"Forgiveness" (7 July 2007)
Context: Now do we have to forgive and forget? No! In fact sometimes it's important to remember, so that you can prevent something like that from happening again, or know that it's not ok with you, even with that person or anyone else.
But forgiving — why not? Do it so that you can be free. And I guarantee you, you will be free of this thing. And even if you don't tell this person you've forgiven them, because sometimes you can't, it's amazing what will happen in your life, what will happen with that person, what will happen with you and other people, if you have a forgiving spirit and let it go.

“I understand that you are claiming it is almost impossible to forgive, but only easier to forget. The truth is that, you can only forgive that which you have forced your mind to forget. We must forget first, then forgiveness will come by itself.”

Mwanandeke Kindembo (1996) Congolese author

“If you’ve ever sat in a room with twins, immediately you’re forced to deal with this confusion. You’re afraid to call them by name because you’re afraid you’re going to get it wrong. At first being a twin is a source of power, you can switch, you can fool people—but then it becomes a vulnerability because people confuse you when you don’t want them to. The famous story of the twins who were both spanked when either one of them did something wrong because the parents wanted to make sure they got the right twin. So that would immediately make each twin totally responsible for the other one’s actions and therefore would make you want to control the other twin’s actions. It gets quite twisted and the confusion of identities becomes quite intense.”

David Cronenberg (1943) Canadian film director, screenwriter and actor

Help us to complete the source, original and additional information

Alice Miller 24

Related quotes

Related topics