“No pretenses, no attempts to impress, no one trying to show anyone up.”

“I think it would be absolutely reckless and irresponsible for anyone to try and break up Microsoft.”

“One reason why birds and horses are not unhappy is because they are not trying to impress other birds and horses.”

“(…) one should not have hatred towards anyone; one should try not to let down other people; one should try to help others; one should try to love all.”

“Criticism, whatever may be its pretensions, never does more than to define the impression which is made upon it at a certain moment by a work wherein the writer himself noted the impression of the world which he received at a certain hour.”

“Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.”

“You don’t need to impress anyone except you.”

“I'm a stand-up. And no one on the circuit's terribly impressed if you're on TV. I suppose I've stolen my ethos from Jay Leno. You can do all the TV in the world, but that's a team game, and anyone can be dropped from the squad. And if you haven't gigged in a while, you're not firing, you're not match fit. So I try and do it whenever I can.”

“You showed me how insufficient were all my pretensions to please a woman worthy of being pleased.”

“A dreamgirl, on the other hand, won't kill herself to impress anyone.”