“Those of you who speak only English, applaud [audience applause]. Those of you who speak only Spanish, applaud [audience applause]. [In mock incredulity] Then how do you know what I just said?”

“I can't really hear the audience applause when I'm on stage. I'm totally immersed in the piece. But sometimes I get a lot of it and wonder, "Now, why did they applaud here?" If it's a white crowd, they usually applaud because they think it's a pretty movement. If it's a black crowd, it's usually because they identify with the message.”

“Dogs do speak, but only to those who know how to listen.”

“Speak English!' said the Eaglet. 'I don't know the meaning of half those long words, and I don't believe you do either!”

“Come, on, EMPTY-V!! [As] far as I'm concerned, Beavis and Butt-head and Dora (sic) are the only two good things you ever DID! [wild applause from audience] But can't you think of a better way to raise audience awareness of domestic violence, than to make it look COOL?”

“[unenthusiastically at the beginning of every show in response to audience applause] "Thanks."”

“You just said you were sorry."

…

"I was only apologizing," he said stiffly, "for startling you. The applause was to compliment you on the improvement in your life-saving techniques since the last time you-”

“When you sing in English and Spanish, it's two completely different forms of expression and... even the people who don't speak Spanish love to hear me sing in Spanish.”

“Know that your work speaks only to those on the same wavelength as you.”

“We live in America,' he said. 'Everyone who speaks English understands you. How they interpret you is something else.”