“High Times magazine is a notch intellectually below Highlights for Children. I mean, they're both great to read when you're baked, but come on, ya know…”

“Guys are great before you know who they are,' said Lucy. 'They're great when you're still with who they might be.”

“I know that to be a true fact because I read it in Heat magazine”

“High school isn't a very important place. When you're going you think it's a big deal, but when it's over nobody really thinks it was great unless they're beered up.”

“You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading… and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.”

“It's only adults who read the top layers most of the time. I think children read the internal meanings of everything.”

“Say, Candy and Ronnie, have you seen them yet?
But they're so spaced out, Bennie and the Jets.
Oh but they're weird and they're wonderful,
Oh Bennie she's really keen.
She's got electric boots, a mohair suit.
You know I read it in a magazine.
Bennie and the Jets.”

“Ya know, Hitler was a great leader, too.”

“I learned early on to stay away from gossip magazines and reviews. That stuff just makes you unhappy, and I know actors that read everything that's written about them and they're miserable. You can choose what to let into your life.”

“People who read my magazine wax their turtles all the time.”