“I don't like to put the whole thing in my mouth.”
Radio From Hell (August 21, 2007)
Variant: I want to put everything in my mouth.
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Gina Barberi 55
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“I would not put a thief in my mouth to steal my brains.”
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[199704051723.JAA28035@wall.org, 1997]
Usenet postings, 1997

Conversation with Queen Victoria after a Royal Command performance of The Gondoliers in March 1891, the 'gags' in question are ad libs added by the actors during the performance
Quoted in The Complete Annotated Gilbert and Sullivan, Ian Bradley, OUP, 1996. Originally found in the magazine The Era
The Complete Neurotic's Notebook (1981), Unclassified

“I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.”

Source: Unsinkable : A Memoir (2013), Chapter 16. Bottoming Out in Beverley Hills