“Alexander is to a peasant proprietor what Don Juan is to a happily married husband.”

“No national leader was identified so closely with the interests of the peasantry. He doggedly sought to protect the interests of peasant proprietors against the inexorable juggernaut, as he saw it of collectivism.”

“Huh, guess ah shouldn't huh did it. (imitating Britney's 55-hour husband Jason Allen Alexander) Come on, Mr. Britney. Grammar, grammar.”

“Strike an average between what a woman thinks of her husband a month before she marries him and what she thinks of him a year afterward, and you will have the truth about him.”

“Polygamy is so beautiful for men. But a woman marrying two husbands that could end up as a BREAKING NEWS.”

“I want to tell you, don't marry suffering. Some people do. They get married to it, and sleep and eat together, just as husband and wife. If they go with joy they think it's adultery.”

“Chumps always make the best husbands. When you marry, Sally, grab a chump. Tap his head first, and if it rings solid, don't hesitate. All the unhappy marriages come from husbands having brains. What good are brains to a man? They only unsettle him.”

“Harpo, she's a lovely person. She deserves a good husband. Marry her before she finds one.”

“You are a lucky lady to be marrying a man who can fix things. Most husbands just break things.”

“I don't need my head examined, but where were you when I married my second husband. Sheesh.”