“If you hate your parents, the man or the establishment, don't show them up by getting wasted and wrapping your car around a tree. If you really want to rebel against your parents, out-learn them, outlive them, and know more than they do.”

“Don't hold your parents up to contempt. After all, you are their son, and it is just possible that you may take after them.”

“If you’re a parent, you want to teach your kids to be kind, you want to teach them to care about other people and you want to teach them not to discriminate for no reason.”

“The thing about lying to your parents is, you have to do it to protect them.
It’s for their own good.”

“If you really want to be a rebel get a job, cut your grass, read your bible, and shut up. Because no one is doing that.”

“I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life.”

“Your being born makes your parents God. You owe them your life, and they can control you. Then puberty makes you Satan, just because you want something better.”

“Hey, that last skit was written for a reason. If any of your buddies had fooled around with a sixty year old man, don't throw them out of your car, or you will die. Now, enjoy the rest of the album!”

“If you want your prayers answered, get up off your knees and do something about them.”

“Be careful what you’re doing, because no one is ever who you want them to be. And the less you really know them, the more likely you are to confuse them with the girl or boy in your head”