“What are you doing with the child?" I inquired cautiously.
"I'm teachin' young James here the fine art of not pissing on his feet," he explained.”

“You do not interrupt a man when he is explaining his master plan after having been soundly defeated. Don't you watch any James Bond Movies?”

“Nico realized he was still leaning against Will. He pushed him away and stood on his own two feet.
‘I’ll do what I need to.’
Will rolled his eyes. ‘Fine, Death Boy. If you want to get yourself killed –’
‘Do not call me Death Boy!”

“Well," his father says, "I'll say this for Slick Willie, he's brought the phrase out in the open. When I was young you had to explain to girls what it was. They could hardly believe they were supposed to do it.”

“I'm fine. Well, I'm not fine - I'm here."
"Is there something wrong with that?"
"Absolutely.”

“Oh… God. What was a male supposed to do in this situation?
"I'm sorry," he muttered. "If I… uh, hurt your feelings or something."
She glared at him. "I'm not hurt. I'm pissed off and sexually frustrated.”

“"Do I look like someone who has something to do here on Earth?" - That's what I'd like to answer the busybodies who inquire into my activities.”

“Child rearing is an art, and what makes art art is that it is doing several things at once.”

“While they were content to peck cautiously at the ball, he never spared himself in his efforts to do it a violent injury.”

“But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here
I don't belong here”