“Dad: Honey, have you seen my glasses? I can"t find them.
Mom: I haven't seen them.
Calvin: (with glasses, to Dad) Calvin, go do something you hate! Being miserable builds character!”

“Calvin's Dad: It's going to be a grim day when the world is run by a generation that doesn't know anything but what it's seen on TV.
p100”

“Calvin: Mom and Dad say I should make my life an example of the principles I believe in…But every time I do, they tell me to stop it.
p.140”

“The world isn't fair, Calvin."
"I know Dad, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favor?”

“Calvin's Dad: I don't think I'd have been in such a hurry to reach adulthood if I'd known the whole thing was going to be ad-libbed.”

“Calvin is hammering nails into coffee table.
Mom: CALVIN WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO THE COFFEE TABLE?!?
Calvin: Is this some sort of trick question, or what?”

“One day you will come to Montauk and see your dad playing the piano
And see your other dad wearing glasses
Hope that you will want to stay for a while
Don’t worry I know you’ll have to go”

“Calvin: Why are you crying mom?
Mom: I'm cutting up an onion.
Calvin: It must be hard to cook if you anthrpomorphisize your vegetables.”

“Honey, have you seen your sister?”
She’s on Jupiter, Mom.”

“Picture the moment when your mom and dad first saw you as something other than a pretty, tiny version of them. You as them, but improved. Better educated. Innocent. Then picture when you stopped being their dream.”