“She's sensitive, too. Takes to hurt the way water takes to paper.”

“I take responsibility only for the future, not the past. The past can't hurt you the way the future can.”

“When a man is attracted to a woman, being expected to take the sexual initiative does not increase his power, it increases his paralysis. The possibility of a lawsuit just intensifies the paralysis. Ironically, the more dangerous the waters, the more [telling dirty jokes] serves as a way of testing the waters: if she laughs, maybe she’s interested; if she looks disgusted, maybe she’s not. He would feel much more powerful if she took responsibility for testing the waters.”

“I hate you' she said to me one afternoon. 'I really, really hate you.' Call me sensitive, but I couldn't help but take it personally.”

“No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.”

“It's gonna take a lotta love
To change the way things are
It's gonna take a lotta love
Or we won't get too far.”

“Note that ANSI standards also cost way too much compared to toilet paper, and they're pretty bad quality as toilet paper goes, too.”

“I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.”

“Remember this universal truth… You are a part of this universe. It can’t hurt you without hurting itself. This means it is in the universe’s best interests for you to feel good and to get what you need and want. It is on the side of your greatest good and is taking you there in ways you may not always understand. It is taking you there even if the short cut to get you there takes you straight through hell.”

“[taking a vacation with his family in Costa Rica]
I go "what is it?" And she goes "we're going on a shark feeding frenzy!" Okay, wait… we're in a boat looking down in the water? "No, that's the best part! We're in the water with the sharks!"”